1 Cor. 6: 18- Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.
May I share with you what I’ve learned in my last 40 days of consecration and study about sexual purity in the Lord? See, I’m struggling with my belief versus my desires. These two collided like trains when I met someone I truly am learning to love in the Lord. This man hits on all cylinders with me and I wanted to share all I am with him, but, had made a commitment to God to stop wrapping my legs around men I’m not married to. I was tired of failing in that, crawling back to God for forgiveness not repentance and then once again ending up on the end of some man’s penis regretting every minute. I was sick of the emptiness that my bed held when he got up and went away and I was glad about it because I didn’t want him to stay. We’d both used each other and there was nothing keeping us together…no commitment, no relationship. Nothing. I wanted someone in my bed that was also in my head and heart and supposed to be there! So…I decided God’s way was best (aren't I the smart one?) and I had to find out what it was. I really didn’t know. I’d been doing my own thing so much in this area I didn’t know what I really believed and why. I read the book “Single, Saved, and Having Sex” by Dr. Ty Adams (if you haven’t read it, do) and I also studied every scripture I could find in the Bible about sexual intercourse. I didn’t study it from a “don’t do it” point of view. I studied it from a God’s original intent point of view and it astounded me. See, I was completely rebellious to the “don’t do it” point of view for a lot of reasons. Mostly I’m a bit hard headed and probably more so because I’d had experiences and thought I knew some things that I held as true that really weren’t. I had to surrender my unbelief about God and His original intent about sex. Here’s what I learned in a snapshot that I hope may help you.
Old Disbelief: Sex brings you closer; Belief: Sex is only a small part of real intimacy
I always believed the act of intercourse was the ultimate, pinnacle and epitome… the closest you can get to another human being. It isn’t. If that was the case with all the sex we’re having humans would be so close there would be no wars, fighting, divorce or heartache. I shake my head now that I truly believed this. Yawl, that isn’t true! The truth is the closest you can be to another human being is through honest communication with one another that isn't clouded with a good time in the bed, it truly clouds your judgement especially if you're not married, you can't see that fool for who he is looking up or down at him... trust me! Being able to disclose and be who you really are, talk and be heard/listened to by someone who has your best interest at heart…well, that’s real intimacy. If you're married and can close the deal with good sex in addition to good communication, then you’re cooking with oil. Women stop using sex as a card to play in control. If you're not married, stop having sex and see what a man is really about. God will truly keep you from heartbreak if you do this. And, married women, stop using sex against your husband withholding it when he doesn't do something you like. Acting like that is sin and your body is not your own, its his and his is yours! You open the door for temptation and send his sex starved behind out here to prey on us single women! (had to throw that in because I'm sick of married men out here on the hunt because their silly wives play games with sex).
Old Disbelief: If he doesn’t get sex from me, he’ll get it from someone; New Belief: let him, that’s all he really wanted from you anyway
Why did I think if he was having sex with me he would be satisfied because it was so good (because I made sure I knew what I was doing in the bed, I am a good student at any/everything I want to really know about…don’t hate;) and he wouldn’t stray if I “put it on him” when the truth of the matter was each and every man that had sex with me, good sex or not, that I wasn’t married to cheated on me with someone else at some point in the so-called relationship. See, the lack of self-control with you and having sex with you while you’re not his wife is indication that the man has some character and self-restraint issues. Do you think he can contain those issues when he’s not with you? Silly believing that isn’t it?
Old Disbelief: Men are visual and must have it so they can’t control themselves; New Belief: Women are just as visual and we all need to exercise self control over our bodies/desires, just fight in different ways
Deeply imbedded in my belief system was the idea that men are dogs, emotionless sex machines that when they did think or feel anything it was all related to sex. Upon in-depth study, the fact I’d heard, seen and experienced so much about that with men made that true to me when it isn't. Men are emotional. Real men want to have real intimacy deep down they just settle for sex because its work to connect the body/emotional part for them. Lazy men who don't know who they are settle for sexing all the time. I also failed to see that women are made to be sexual creatures too. God knew what He was doing when He gave us the gift of sex and he didn’t just deposit his gift in one gender to dominate the other. Truth of the matter we hold a lot of the same interests in sex it’s just we’re socialized to show it differently by generation. As I studied sex in the bible it was amazing to me that it was just as present in the old testament with scandal as in the new and it wasn’t just a bunch of men doing dirt, the women were doing freaky things too---directing lewd acts and subduing men with their bodies. There really is nothing new under the sun and we’ve been rebelling against God in sin sexually since the fall. It’s not just one gender. Stop believing that! Its not true. Women are just as guilty, men just bear the leadership role brunt of the rebellion.
Old Disbelief: Sex is physical; New Belief: SEX IS A SPIRITUAL CONNECTION YOU PERFORM WITH YOUR BODY
Which is why God says when you sin this way, doing things against His original intent it is a sin against your own body. Both parties are affected emotionally, mentally and spiritually. We are spirits who live in an earth suit, a body. We have our mind/will/intellect to control what these bodies do and unfortunately lead us to forget the spirit man. When you enter in or let your self be entered into you link all parts in the act. You are not able to keep any of it back despite how you display a "its just sex" attitude. It’s a law like gravity. It isn’t preventable and you create a soul-tie, a “knitting together” every single time you do it! What is in them comes into you or your take upon you what is in them. Doesn’t that reality just make you pause and rolodex every single person you’ve done the deed with? Especially if in the end you saw them for the person they really were and it wasn’t good. Yuck. Had me on my face for days with God for cleansing. I’m still purging people out of me and I didn’t get down with a lot of folks compared to most (I started lateJ). Can I tell you how important it is to be aware of this truth? May keep you out of bed, may not, but at least you are no longer ignorant and can say I KNOW what I’m really doing here with my body. You also know now why you have issues in areas that you may not have had issues in before. Just that little deposit from your booty call is all. Its true no matter if you believe me or not!
My ideas about my sexuality were born out of a little bit of this and a little bit of that. I’d been healed from sexual abuse but hadn’t gone into a real study of my belief about sex and renewing my mind to think how God thinks about it. Thank God I've done this now that I'm with a man I want to be God's best woman for. It’s good to know what you believe and why. Beloved, God doesn't want us deceived or ignorant about anything. He wants us to KNOW TRUTH and liberty.That is why I’m sharing this from my heart with you today. My prayer is that anyone reading this doesn’t feel condemned, especially if you disagree with what I’ve come to believe. I am not trying to beat you over the head with celibacy and some idealized religion about abstaining from sex. I'm just being real. I’m nobody’s expert, just a sister walking her talk and sharing her testimony. I hope to lead you to the experts on the issue in telling you to get your hands on Dr. Ty Adams book and most importantly get with God about your sex. He is the author and creator of it and knows best what you should be doing. Hear ye HIM!
Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr is written and distributed by Arete1 International.
(c) Copyright 2010 Cheryl Carr and ARETE1 International.
(c) Copyright 2010 Cheryl Carr and ARETE1 International.