No resolutions. Only one thing is helpful in providing clarity, meaning and fulfillment for the next 365 days. Wouldn't you rather ask the right question(s) for goal meeting, not the same mundane goal setting? If the answer is yes, then ask yourself , "how do I want to feel all of 2019 and why do I want to feel that way?"
You can live in alignment with your purpose when you answer those 2 questions definitively. First, reflect over how you felt in 2018. Then, design your vision board, your planner, time and energy management on obtaining that/those feeling(s), with your reputation, your relationships, with prosperity, health, creativity, self-improvement, career, and travel.
Do you know that how you feel about something or someone is more powerful than what you think about it or them? The problem with feelings is the difficulty in expressing meaningful words about those feelings. But learning how to best do that for you provides a huge benefit! The brain works best when you articulate feelings felt. Here's a little neuroscience to help us better understand...the analytical part of your brain that helps you understand facts/reality, benefits and words/language is called the neocortex. The part of the brain that helps us with our behavior and decision-making is the middle section of the brain, the limbric system and it differs from the neocortex in that it has zero capacity for language which is why we struggle to explain our feelings. We must transfer our feelings to the neocortex part of our brain in order to articulate our feelings. This is a powerful exercise that when you do it you will be intentional in your decision making and behaviors. Beloved, I am praying for your 2019 to provide significant success and blessings without measure.
"Best of all is it to preserve everything in a pure, still heart, and let there be for every pulse a thanksgiving, and for every breath a song. ~Konrad von Gesner"
Try not to try.
There
is an effortlessness in gratitude and life that we should all aspire to. Research shows that gratitude has many benefits, but having a grateful attitude doesn’t come easily to everyone.
Cognitive scientist
are only now beginning to understand the power of spontaneity and why it is so
essential for our well-being. When something is right, it truly is easier
and much more effortless. BEING GRATEFUL IS RIGHT--- in all things, even if not for all things. In fact, Chinese philosophers wrote extensively about
an effortless way of being in the world, which they
called wu-wei (ooo-way). New research reveals what’s happening in the
brain when we’re in a state of wu-wei—why it makes us happy and effective
and trustworthy. Effortlessness requires shutting the mind off and allowing the
body to do its thing. It is very challenging to get the mind to let go of
itself, and to stop trying, free fall into trust, be present and to know what
comes goes, and what stays must be maintained. To cultivate behaviors and fruit
bearing tendencies of wu-wei let go of the Western Culture ways of
achieving goals through careful reasoning and conscious effort. Recent research
suggests that many aspects of a satisfying life, like happiness and
spontaneity, are best pursued indirectly. The older I get, the more I realize I
do not want to spend most of my life preoccupied with effort, the importance of
working, striving and trying, only to find the more I try hard to will things
into manifesting, the more elusive they become. I'd rather let go of any
rigidity, cease over-planning life which has been proven to limit happiness and
success. I prefer to live life relaxed and flexible, pursuing whatever
interests me, and feeling confident that it will work out---and it generally
has.
APPLICATION: TRY NOT TO TRY
1. Practice “body
thinking." This is a tacit, fast,
and semiautomatic behavior that flows from the unconscious with little or no
conscious interference. Stop yourself from any and every effort requiring
pushing harder or moving faster. Relax. Slow down. Stop (which means to cease
all motion). Accept that sometimes effort and striving are profoundly
counterproductive.
2. Practice effortless
action. This is not dull inaction. Quite the
contrary. Wu-wei is "not trying" or "no doing." It's the
state of mind of a person who's optimally active and effective. Practice living
in a state of effortless action. You will feel as if you're doing nothing,
while you are creating proper and effective conduct, harmonious order,
brilliance and beauty. For a person in wu-wei, proper and effective
conduct follows automatically as if the body gives in to the seductive rhythm
of a song. The body, the emotions, and the mind become integrated. Being
in wu-wei is relaxing and enjoyable in a deeply rewarding way that
distinguishes it from cruder or more mundane pleasures. It's a state of
BE-ing.
Beloved, I am praying effortlessly with and for you.
The information on this website is provided as a service to the public and offers general information only. It is not intended to be and should not be relied on as a substitute for specific medical or health advice.While every effort is taken to ensure the information is accurate,Dr. Cheryl Carr makes no representations and gives no warranties that this information is correct, current, complete, reliable or suitable for any purpose. We disclaim all responsibility and liability for any direct or indirect loss, damage, cost or expense whatsoever in the use of or reliance upon this information.This website may contain links to linked websites controlled or produced by other organizations. The links are provided for convenience only and are not an endorsement of any products or services at those other websites, which also may not remain current or be maintained.We are not liable to you or anyone else if interference with or damage to your computer systems occurs or if you suffer any loss, cost or expense in connection with your use of this website or a linked website.
Today, take the time to check in and check on. How are you really? How are they really?
Now, we highlight and discuss this difficult subject after a celebrity suicide but rarely are we comfortable with someone addressing the state of our mental well-being. We are all quirky and different but...having briefly lived with someone with severe mental and emotional health issues I can tell you that you must take care of yourself or you will descend with them. I fought my way back to normalcy and intend to stay right here. If you are worried about someone’s mental health here is how you may get them help and support taken from Psychology Today Victoria Maxwell's article:
4 Steps To Help Someone When They Don't Want It
Tips for Parents of Adult Children with Mental Illness
Posted Aug 31, 2016
When mental illness hits, it can hit hard. It hits the person who has it hard and it hits the family equally hard – though in very different ways.
One of the most common questions I get after my presentations and shows is ‘How can I help my loved one when they don’t think they need help to begin with?’ So common in fact I've written previous PT posts: How to Help Your Adult Child if They Have a Mental Illness and When Adult Children Don't Want Help. There are many reason for not wanting help. Denial, shame, anosognosia (lack of insight – a symptoms of psychosis itself).
Regardless of the reason, as a family member or friend, it can feel powerless. But there are steps you can take. Here are a few to help you help your loved one move forward on the journey to recovery and wellness.
1. Remember the journey to accept there is a problem to deal with is theirs alone. Though you can help prep the ground, by having discussions and listening with an open heart, by setting clear boundaries, by offering information when appropriate. For anyone who’s been in this position, you’re aware it takes more than one conversation. It takes many. It’s about voicing your concern with compassion. While at the same time it’s about setting boundaries for your own well-being, recognizing you are not responsible for their health and happiness. If you’re a parent of an adult child, this is one that is most heart breaking to learn and understand. Letting go, is tough even when the adult child is well and thriving. The video and resources of Dr. Komrad has some concrete suggestions.
2. Ask your loved one to humor you and go to see the doctor together.When family members ask me how to help their loved one, the issue has been going on for a quite some time. And in that time entrenched power struggles have developed and mistrust on both sides have been established.
3. Rebuild trust and rapport. Your adult son or daughter, brother or parent may continue to get angry when you suggest anything. The trick is for you to NOT get angry back. Easier said than done. But the goal is to have them be willing to see someone for a general check up. In that appointment have a mental health check up too. References from Dr. Xavier Amador below are excellent about how to listen without creating power struggles and rebuild trust essential for healing.
4. Evaluate whether you really are the best person to talk to your loved right now. Be honest. If conversations almost always end with tempers flying, another person who has his/her best interests at heart and can communicate more easily is a better option – at least for now
On-line resources:
~ If you need help immediately, please search this list of crisis lines and centers and contact one of them right away.
~ This video from Dr. Mark Komrad has some good points. I wouldn’t watch the first part but from 49:30 minutes he describes when, how to talk to someone, some do’s and don’ts. Some of his approach is a little paternalistic, but I like the tips.
~ Dr. Komard's book: “You Need Help!: A Step-by-Step Plan to Convince a Loved One to Get Counseling” may be a helpful read. I can’t vouch for the info as I haven't read it yet, but it comes recommended.
~ His website is: www.komradmd.com He does evaluations, but the cost is extremely high. He also has an extensive book list.
~ Check Dr. Amador’s book and technique “I don’t need Help, I’m Not Sick”. He describes his LEAP (listen, empathize, agree, partner) approach.
~ This post gives a great summary of his LEAP program.
~ Check Dr. Amador's referrals page for clinicians who work with his method.
~ If you find these resources helpful and would like additional support and guidance, I offer mental health coaching sessions with a free initial consult for family and individuals.
~ Practical tips for family and friends on the “Living with Mental Illness: A Guide for Family and Friends” website.
~ A good website for family and friends of people with bipolar disorder.
~ My previous PT post list US support groups for family and friends as well as individuals living with mental illness (such as NAMI).
I hope these resources help. Let me know if they are or if you have your own that I haven't listed here.
The information on this website is provided as a service to the public and offers general information only. It is not intended to be and should not be relied on as a substitute for specific medical or health advice. While every effort is taken to ensure the information is accurate,Dr. Cheryl Carr makes no representations and gives no warranties that this information is correct, current, complete, reliable or suitable for any purpose. We disclaim all responsibility and liability for any direct or indirect loss, damage, cost or expense whatsoever in the use of or reliance upon this information. This website may contain links to linked websites controlled or produced by other organisations. The links are provided for convenience only and are not an endorsement of any products or services at those other websites, which also may not remain current or be maintained. We are not liable to you or anyone else if interference with or damage to your computer systems occurs or if you suffer any loss, cost or expense in connection with your use of this website or a linked website
We live in a culture of "but, it's posted" irregularities in reality and stark, dishonest portrayal of self. Imagery, photo-shop and filters can have us living a life of pretense that has migrated into far too many believing their own press and thinking they're who they post to be... when in reality, they're not anywhere close to what and who they're pretending to be. Right now, real self-esteem is at an all time low. Self-importance, arrogance, unmitigated gall and misrepresentation is at an all time high. Social media aids too many in this sham portrayal...far too many misguided individuals misunderstand reality thinking a platform gives the license and right to be what, say what, be enraged by whatsoever we want. Right now everyone's a social broadcaster, pretense is allowed, self-importance gets to masquerade as self-esteem, and people have no real foundation of accomplishment on which to build a truthful, healthy opinion of themselves. People, careers and companies built with the sand of pretense fall apart when the need to DO SOMETHING REAL appears. Self-meaning, self-identity, self-image, and self-concepts are destroyed when you pretend, compare and use falsehood with self-importance under the guise of self-esteem. Self-importance is ugly and obvious, it's an exaggerated estimate of one's own importance, self-conceit, demonstrated by arrogant or pompous behavior.
Self-esteem is actually a complex mental state--it is your truthful inner opinion of yourself and has an underground that is built by two things...what you truthfully FEEL and what you truthfully THINK about YOU. It does not matter what finesse you do outwardly, the inner man knows who you really are and what you really do. In other words, you can't run from you...wherever you go, there YOU are beloved. You just cannot hide from you no matter how you try. A real sense of self and esteem/confidence requires you put in the time, really grind and face the struggle, small starts and acceptance of the truth that not everything you do needs to be heard, seen or recognized to matter and be real. A self-esteem versus self-importance challenge you can take is to not tell or post your next big whatever...purchase, trip, relationship, meal, engagement, contract, job. Just stop posting and see how you feel about who you are. What's really driving that need to be seen as? If you're not as fabulous in the dark as you want everyone to see you as in the light then perhaps you live with self-importance over real self-esteem? If this is you I highly suggest you lay down self-importance and pride, shore up your self-esteem and make sure that your foundation isn't a sandy one that will fade when, and if you lose all, lose them and worse still have the real you exposed. If you can't stand up tall when those things happen to any degree you've lived with self-importance not true self-esteem. Beloved, I'm praying with and for you. Resources to Help:
