Thursday, February 7, 2013

Please, Shut Up?

Proverbs 10:19  Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.
Proverbs 17:27 A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.
Proverbs 18:21 The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
Ecclesiastes 5:2 Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.
James 3:2 We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.

His words cut into my heart like a knife through butter..."I don't want to treat you this way, ever, but I am just so FRUSTRATED WITH YOU right now!" I could not stop the tears from my eyes as we hung up the phone agreeing not to speak again until that frustration went away and only God knows how long that will be because neither of us ever want to have that exchange with one another again. It is tearing at the fabric of our relationship and because I desire peace, and for my words to encourage and uplift whomever hears them I fell to my knees asking the Father what was my problem, why this reoccurring issue with us when we both wanted to treat each other with love and respect? I heard in my heart 2 words "your mouth." Crying harder I began to recite the scriptures I had memorized 7 years ago when I first became sensitive to my mouth and it's ability to wound and abuse others through my bible study of Deborah Pegasus "Thirty Days to Tame the Tongue." My gift of creative communication is an awesome tool of God when tempered in the Spirit and led by self-control. It is a weapon of the enemy if left unchecked. My mouth can be as big a curse as it is a blessing. As I finished my time of prayer and release and peace came back to me I affirmed with God that my addiction had resurfaced. See, I learned years ago that there is a common addiction amongst many women and more than a few men...we TALK TOO MUCH. It is an addiction that is often overlooked and misunderstood as not being a real addiction. But it is real. And it is just as damaging to a person's life as any other addiction, if not more so, first because its ridiculed and the person who talks too much is frequently left alone by those who cannot take their incessant talking any longer. Secondly, because it is sin.

The mouth and use of the tongue is referred to in the Bible often. Talking too much is a self-abusive behavior, with a root cause of inner abandonment--- creating the aloneness that is at the heart of all addictions. The incessant talker expects others to listen to them when they don't listen to their self, the addicted talker does not feel they are important to their self. See, when you will not take the time to attend to your own feelings and needs, you create inner neediness and emptiness. Most women do not feel heard. In a misplaced effort to be heard we will over-communicate and learn to speak to people in a very dominant fashion. Our tone and articulation does not invite conversation. We don't know how to communicate efficiently and quickly. We want to be heard so we will be heard by talking and talking and talking. To other women and sadly to our men.  Most men do not invite conversation or listen well. Mix these two together and you have the combustible situation we see in most relationships and homes.

So, what do we do if we know we talk too much? Sadly, too many men label all women as crazy and that their talking too much can't be stopped, just something about women they have to suffer with. It can, it will take cooperation in treatment just as does any other addiction.  Listen to her more, really listen to her...don't let her problem drive you from her, let it pull you near. It may surprise you if you would listen, repeat back what you heard and reserve getting angry and judgmental about her addiction but instead seek to lovingly tell her she talks too much and it's a problem in your relationship. Too many women are unaware or deluded into thinking their mouth is not the issue and few seek help and treatment that can help them recover and become effective communicators, a source of peace in their relationships, more precious and beautiful ( 1 Peter 3:4-Rather, beauty is something internal that can't be destroyed. Beauty expresses itself in a gentle and quiet attitude which God considers precious). In research for my doctorate I am studying the female mindset and becoming an expert in helping women to express themselves to the world in fully feminine  ways that honor her strength and dignity---this is a work in progress that begins with me as the first example of what revelation and truth can do. Look for more of my research in CEENOTES to come. Until then, Please...shut up?

 Beloved I am listening, and praying with and for you!

Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr is written and distributed by Arete1 International. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Carr. Copyright 2013 Cheryl Carr and ARETE1 International. 2013 rightwordsbycheryl© Follow me on Facebook : Cheryl Carr and Arete1; Twitter: iamcherylcarr and Arete1Int; Instagram-iamcherylcarr.

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