Proverbs 14:12 "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death."
We are created for relationship. No one survives this life well without touch and real intimacy, being KNOWN by someone who truly cares/loves you. On this, my single journey one of the biggest lessons I've finally gotten through my thick skull is that I can't trust the surface/first blush of things with people. Few things are as they first appear-- certainly not people. No one, not even me! Experience, taking the time to pull back, see people in different settings, circumstances and situations reveals things about them to be paid attention to, no matter how groovy the chemistry is and how you feel. And, some people can lie without conscience, saying just about anything to manipulate you and keep up a good act for a period of time. My sister/brother, hear me well--- It behooves you to go deeper than a few encounters before you get all willy-nilly with that person you're "feeling." Simply staying on the surface (where most stay and want you to stay too) can quite possibly lead you to deception about a person and most often about yourself. See, few want to go deeper or make things transparent. Few want to expose who they really are until you're on the hook with your physical or feelings. When insecure, unstable people feel its safe to take off their mask, boy do they ever and you will see beneath all that disguise, the image/mirage you were so sure of and attracted to is someone that you have no idea who they really are! Happened to me enough to stop myself now and really pay some attention to who people really are by time, deed and not by what they say. Its also a good thing to do periodic evaluations of every relationship you're involved in to make sure you're not blinded by deception. Staying in anything not healthy, where you're weak-willed or accepting less than your standards and values will drain you mentally and emotionally and its best to get out good and get out early before you've invested the best years of your life in something that had you evaluated it early on, you would have run at the first sign of crazy instead of enduring a slow, sure death.
For me, I've learned the best way to avoid false intimacy in relationship with someone is to keep feelings at bay, pray and ask God to reveal who a person really is and then once you see it you need to accept what is revealed and go deeper or run fast. I've learned the hard way not to be such an open book, trusting and naive. Predators and deceivers look for that to lure you into their lair. Its best to pump my brakes and let time and experience reveal if they're capable of intimacy without disappointment--you're worth no less than that. Beloved, I'm praying with and for you!
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(c) Copyright 2010 Cheryl Carr and ARETE1 International.