Intimacy Without Disappointment

Proverbs 14:12  "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death."

We are created for relationship. No one survives this life well without touch and real intimacy, being KNOWN by someone who truly cares/loves you. On this, my single journey one of the biggest lessons I've finally gotten through my thick skull is that I can't trust the surface/first blush of things with people. Few things are as they first appear-- certainly not people. No one, not even me! Experience, taking the time to pull back, see people in different settings, circumstances and situations reveals things about them to be paid attention to, no matter how groovy the chemistry is and how you feel. And, some people can lie without conscience, saying just about anything to manipulate you and keep up a good act for a period of time. My sister/brother, hear me well--- It behooves you to go deeper than a few encounters before you get all willy-nilly with that person you're "feeling." Simply staying on the surface (where most stay and want you to stay too) can quite possibly lead you to deception about a person and most often about yourself. See, few want to go deeper or make things transparent. Few want to expose who they really are until you're on the hook with your physical or feelings. When insecure, unstable people feel its safe to take off their mask, boy do they ever and you will see beneath all that disguise, the image/mirage you were so sure of and attracted to is someone that you have no idea who they really are! Happened to me enough to stop myself now and really pay some attention to who people really are by time, deed and not by what they say. Its also a good thing to do periodic evaluations of every relationship you're involved in to make sure you're not blinded by deception. Staying in anything not healthy, where you're weak-willed or accepting less than your standards and values will drain you mentally and emotionally and its best to get out good and get out early before you've invested the best years of your life in something that had you evaluated it early on, you would have run at the first sign of crazy instead of enduring a slow, sure death.


  For me, I've learned the best way to avoid false intimacy in relationship with someone is to keep feelings at bay, pray and ask God to reveal who a person really is and then once you see it you need to accept what is revealed and go deeper or run fast. I've learned the hard way not to be such an open book, trusting and naive. Predators and deceivers look for that to lure you into their lair. Its best to pump my brakes and let time and experience reveal if they're capable of intimacy without disappointment--you're worth no less than that. Beloved, I'm praying with and for you!






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(c) Copyright 2010 Cheryl Carr and ARETE1 International.

2011 Life Vision Casting

 Habakkuk 2:2-."Then the LORD answered me and said, "Record the vision And inscribe it on tablets, That the one who reads it may run"


Ecclesiastes 3:1- "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven"


Proverbs 29:1- "When people do not accept divine guidance, they run wild. But whoever obeys the law is joyful."


Jeremiah 29:11- "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."


Most of us spend more time planning a menu or entertainment than we do our lives. It is amazing the way people wake up and just bumble through life day after day and only a crisis or life running off the rails gets our attention and makes us examine how we're living. May I encourage you today? First, pray and invite God to help you through this task. It may not be easy and may invoke some pain (which is why people avoid it). Once you've prayed, spend some uninterrupted time examining your last year of life in these areas: relationships (with God and others), work, finances, spirituality, physically and mentally. Write down what comes to you and how you feel about each area. Looking back will help you realize your history is doomed to repeat itself without intervention. Planning or vision casting is the best way to intervene in your life not coasting or being on autopilot. 


Here's how to vision cast---remember, what you celebrate will increase so as you've reviewed the good things in those areas of your life spend some time thanking God and praising Him for those things. Seek to know what did you do repeatedly to get there and see how you can maximize those efforts this next year of life?  If you're unhappy with any area of life what do you need to do to gain change in that area? Write those things down in steps. For example, finances is an area where many of our lives are off track. We need to live within our means and use the right methods and tools for us and our priorities to manage our finances. What do you need to do to learn your money style, how you earn it, spend it, save it and what can help you in doing those things better? Once I've done my written history and cast my vision for the next year, I then like to get visuals for these things and create a vision board with just the pictures and one sentence for my goals/plans under each picture. Record these things in a way that matters to you because you'll be changing and  it will be evolving all year long because we know the only thing constant in life is change and the best laid plans do get changed rather we like it or not but that should not keep us from planning our way, amen?




Once you're done with this process let's pray again and invite God to approve, remove and show you the motivation behind each of the things you've written down. Use this list all year long, set an appointment on your calendar to review your vision board (weekly, monthly) to move your life along in a way that recognizes time is the only thing you don't get a "do over" with--once time is gone, its gone, so use all the time you're given living a life that matters. Beloved, I'm praying with and for you!

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(c) Copyright 2010 Cheryl Carr and ARETE1 International.

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FILL HER UP!

Ephesians 3:19 (New International Version)

¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Jeremiah 20:12 (New International Version)

¹² LORD Almighty, you who examine the righteous
   and probe the heart and mind,
let me see your vengeance on them,
   for to you I have committed my cause.

Psalm 26:2 (New International Version)

² Test me, LORD, and try me,
   examine my heart and my mind;

How diligent are you at examining your life? Not from a crisis standpoint either--its usually only then that we will examine ourselves and usually that's a little late...but, how often do you look over your life to see exactly what is in it--the good, the bad and the ugly? Personally, I like to get silent and in solitude and put my life under a microscope regularly with the Lord. Its not time-consuming nor is it discouraging. Its the best thing I can do for myself. It is a check-point to see the course of my life and encourages me to empty out what's not good for me and fill up with what IS GOOD for me. I've found in my life if I don't spend time doing this I get on auto pilot, taking on a lot of good sacrificing the best, accomplishing things daily but not really moving forward and most of the time forgetting God/our relationship in the process.

When I coach people to perform this simple act self-examination, to get silent and in solitude over the course of a day or a weekend most often they will throw up lack of time, can't get alone and/or they flat out don't think its necessary. They will claim to know what's going on in their life full well. Trust me I tell them, "no, you don't or you wouldn't have these lingering and consistent issues." Truth is silence and solitude terrify most people. The need for noise to drown out reality, distract and entertain ourselves is rampant in society. See, what you won't confront you won't change. Not really. You may temporarily adjust behavior around a crisis but until you empty yourself of the root causes of your behaviors you're doomed to repeat and repeat and repeat. Its of vital importance to ask God to examine you, to probe your life and pull out the root causes of situations and circumstances that are causing your life to stay off track. He will, you know? Sadly, most of us want to keep the people and things in our lives because of comfort or perceived loss (losing what hurts you or isn't for you isn't really loss, its really gain).


As 2010 comes to a close I encourage you to not follow the usual path of new year's resolutions and only looking over your life/goals when there is a crisis. Resist gradualism, be deliberate and sit silently for a minute and make a list of what is going on in your life by issues most important to you. Once you have that list bring it before God, read scriptures, listen and pray. Make decisions and decide how you will manage those decisions. Take action and be proactive in your life so its full of good and empty of that which causes you stress/is bad for you. It won't just happen, you will have to do something! Beloved, I'm praying with and for you.

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(c) Copyright 2010 Cheryl Carr and ARETE1 International.

Squinting in Mountain Top Sunlight

Duet. 34:1-Then Moses climbed Mount Nebo from the plains of Moab to the top of Pisgah, across from Jericho. There the LORD showed him the whole land--from Gilead to Dan,

Luke 6:12-One day soon afterward Jesus went up on a mountain to pray, and he prayed to God all night




Have you ever turned on a light in pitch blackness and had it hurt your eyes so that they began to tear up? Did you blink and blink so as to get your eyes to adjust to the light that chased away the darkness? Do you, like me, love the sunlight peeking through the clouds after a storm (as a Kansas born girl trust me I know storms). Being in darkness so long, have you longed to see lights beauty, its intensity and brightness so vivid it'll make you shade your eyes and squint to keep from taking in all the sunlight at once? Beloved, that's exactly how I write this blog today.

Mountains and climbing are great examples for life and its many tribulations. Hands and feet are necessary for climbing and they're symbolic in this spiritual teaching. If you're climbing and you're weary may I share something I've learned that may encourage you? They're not easy but will make you a better climber sure to reach the top. Jesus frequently climbed to a mountainside when praying and meditating. Your hands represent what you hold on to and your feet represent where you go--- where you place your self. In times of storm and climbing up the rough side of the mountain simplify and prioritize. Empty your hands and watch where you settle down during your climb. You can't climb loaded down and you're going to need your hands and feet properly placed for sure climbing. I've learned to empty my hands and trust God to fill them. Let go of what you're holding on to...things, people, memories, un-forgiveness, despair, lack of hope...whatever it is let it go! Give it to God. Tell Him you don't want it anymore and He can take it. Holding on to things/people/situations too long is man's perilous behavior. Look around and you will see people parked on a mountain they were supposed to climb. If you don't cooperate with God He will let you have your will/way.  Its never good if God has to pry your hands loose from something, He can and you won't like it. God is thorough, both predictable by His word and unpredictable in His sovereignty. Depending on your need---He will do what's best for you if He sees in your heart a need for prying away of things... you will let loose or wish you had of. Easier just to lay it on the alter in the first place. Trust me! Obey and surrender. Take care where you go and who you go with during your storm. Most people neglect this very important behavior. Jesus was our example and separated Himself from people and only had those assigned to Him around when He was on the mountain. Everyone can't go with you where you're going and that's hard to take. Don't run all over looking for comfort either telling everyone about your troubles. Few have the stomach to really be there for you and sacrifice for your neediness and all you're doing is feeding them food for gossip. People will either add or subtract. Be on alert for the "lookie-lou's" too, only hanging around to see what may go down with you. Pay them no mind and do your best to silence their noise in your ears. You need to listen carefully for God's instructions on what to do and how to do it. You can't do that listening to naysayers and negative influences.

I'm on a mountain top after a year and a half of acute and severe testing of my faith. Up on this mountain top I am squinting in the Son's light--- and its marvelous up here...now. But oh the ragged climb up has been arduous, discouraging, humbling and tortuous. At times, I didn't think I would make it. But make it I did! May I encourage you today? You will too. If you're climbing, keep at it until your feet touch sod at the top. If you're up there with me now, bask a minute and praise God for His goodness...mountain top experiences are fleeting and absolutely no where for comfort but do take a respite and enjoy the view (and prepare for the drop kick off the side that life is sure to deliver soon, its just life huh? In a storm, coming out of one or about to go in yet another one...sigh). I am praying with and for you!

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(c) Copyright 2010 Cheryl Carr and ARETE1 International.

ANT ACTIVITIES

Proverbs 6:6-9 "Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest" 


3 John 1:2- "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much"


I've loved ant farms and hills since I was a child. Identifying with the ant has been a natural example God has used mightily in my life for powerful spiritual lessons. The ant has taught me a lot...it is a little creature but so industrious and here are examples others use to teach us about the ant that I hope you'll take heed of. The ant is: 
1) self-motivated, highly industrialized, doesn't need another to make sure it gets its work done. 

2) collects its food in the proper seasons; it is prudent.

3)  fond of its young, and takes care of them.

4) has foresight for others and shows kindness.

5) works quietly without show and until the work is done. In this, it teaches us perseverance.

6) works in cooperation and organization with others. In union there is indeed strength.

7) keeps its home meticulously clean.

8) knows its job and does it.

9) has initiative, that wonderful virtue of resourcefulness that knows the how and when.

See what a great example the ant can be if you heed its behavior and begin today to incorporate these things as a part of how you live your life? 

As a life/spiritual coach I frequently have to deal with individuals wanting more in their lives. They're unhappy and dissatisfied with where they are and so my job is to help them apply discipline (people hate it:) to move forward. Its hard because few want to be faithful/disciplined right where they are as if getting more will miraculously make them something other. Getting more when you're unable to handle what you all ready have is destructive and God simply will not hurt us like that so stop begging for more dear heart. You have to change right where you are then watch God give you more! 

I preach Luke 16:10 to myself and others everyday because I've learned a powerful lesson in my relationship with God about obedience. He will get your attention in an area that matters to you a lot. He'll put you in a very constricted place- for people who want money you'll be broke all the time, for those who want better relationships you'll be loveless/friendless until you learn dependence on people must be under God's leadership not feelings or even them, if you want to be a leader, you'll be jobless or in a subordinate position until you learn a leader is first/foremost a good follower...whatever it takes to break you, you'll be where you cannot progress until the lesson is absorbed and applied right there in that particular class room. He's an excellent teacher. Faithfully putting you right back at your last place of disobedience until you learn or give up and accept life there which God will turn you over to your own will if you demand it and refuse to reach for His reaching. For example: wanting to be in college when you're just in the fifth grade seems so childish and illogical to us but that's how many of us live. We want God to give us millions when we're unfaithful with the hundred dollars we have. We want a mansion when our apartment is filthy and unkempt, we want a Rolls Royce when we can't keep our Corolla clean and in running order. Beloved, I want you to prosper even as your soul prospers (3 John 1:2). People look at my life, how God uses me, where he's brought me from/to, some even are fascinated with the material things God has given me in spite of my upbringing (people think I'm rich/have been that way all my life but hey...I'm really not...yet. I just have access to things strictly from OBEDIENCE TO GOD). I am no more special to God than you are, but one thing I may do that you may want to accept and apply in your life is that I know I have to obey Him in the hard place. Discipline myself, denying myself and patiently waiting on HIM to move me. If you want His plan, His way that's just how its done because His ways are not our ways and His blessings have no sorrow added to them (Proverbs 10:22) and that's the difference from when He blesses or we bless ourselves which is how most of us do live, claiming its a blessing when that thing we manipulated, connived and finally got for ourselves is really a curse and its fruit reveals itself eventually. Try a different approach. Ponder this blog. Accept it. How about applying to your life the activities/principles/behaviors of the ant, submit/obey right where you are today? I am praying with and for you!

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(c) Copyright 2010 Cheryl Carr and ARETE1 International.

COURAGE IS A MEDICINE

Duet. 31:6- Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."


Hebrews 3:6
But Christ is faithful as a son over God's house. And we are his house, if we hold on to our courage and the hope of which we boast.


In my lifetime I can't remember so many people living in such fear, unsettled and unstable just hearing about the downright disturbing occurrences in so many places. Seems our hearts are weak with fear. What we've counted on has failed us or is no longer reliable to make us feel secure. Beloved, we need to hold on and take courage! In my own life I can assure you God has promoted and placed me in places and doing things I could never have imagined in my wildest dreams. Sometimes, the things I need to accomplish scare me silly. I spend a lot of time with God, silent and listening because I know I can't do much in my own strength. Scripture tells us we are capable of a little strength of our own (Rev. 3:8) and we operate in that little strength most of the time when ALL STRENGTH and all the COURAGE we need is available for the taking.


Something about me that spending a little time with me will teach you is that words are important to me and I don't think they're to be taken as lightly as we do-- I'm as guilty of this as they come because I love to communicate (I talk a lot especially thinking out loud and in times when I'm emotional...words will pour out of me and few understand this about me but--sorry, its how I'm wired) and I love to KNOW what a word means in as many translations as I can take in because it deepens my understanding and I want to understand and speak words of life over my self and others. I will study one word deeply--in many languages because all spoken words have a root and frequently I've found in English its watered down or far away from what it meant originally. Its why I study Greek and Hebrew in relation to the scriptures. I'm always amazed at what a word really means as opposed to what I thought it meant.


So, what is courage? Courage is a quality of spirit that enables you to face danger or pain without showing fear. Fear of something can make you withdraw, keeps you from and keeps you in situations that you should not be in. Lack of courage must be confronted--all throughout scripture this is a command spoken to us directly by God. TAKE COURAGE can be found over and over in the holy scriptures and I submit to you that you must take courage like a medicine!  All medicine is not fun to take, in fact, few medicines taste good or feel good but take it you must to restore health and promote healing. Now please note, the medicine of courage God provides is not like man's synthetic attempts at healing...remember doctors practice medicine, God IS HEALING. KNOWS ALL and CANNOT FAIL. The courage He provides is exact, equal to the need in quantity and in quality. Take the time to get in the Word, read it, and ask how does it apply to the area of fear you are experiencing? Accept it as true and take it in, allow it to encourage you and reduce your fear.  It will do more than help you. It will heal you. I'm praying with you and for you!






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Come Here Wounded Woman...

James 4:7-8 "So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he'll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet."

Proverbs 31:25 (NIV)- "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." 

We are many we wounded women. No need to discuss how we got this way, just pick up a magazine and you'll read well our dissatisfaction with every area of life...we're just not satisfied, fulfilled or getting what we need in any way. We're limping along in life, self-medicating, repeating the same pattern in relationships, work, how we eat...living life with a screen-door of pain over the entrance to our hearts. Come here. Sit down with me for a second. Let's cooperate with God. Aren't you tired of the tears in the night, the inability to change and the sad commentary that "you're crazy" because you are an emotionally crazed person constantly in a manic state, driving the people you love away or making them walk on egg shells...yes your pain is making you do the fool over and over and over again...or, are you like me, great at pretending, smiling, saying the right things until that scab is rubbed off of that wound that you keep hidden behind your pretty facade? Oh I know I'm in your business but I want to help you, help me, help us. We can be healed you know? And its not about time. Time doesn't always heal but GOD DOES! I've experienced most of my revelation of a wound and a cleaning up of the wound in short periods of time. I'll say it again, WE CAN BE HEALED. Completely restored and reset to an original starting point as a woman of strength and dignity.HOW BADLY DO YOU WANT IT? First you have to recognize your state and acknowledge it before God. CRY OUT and call it what it is. Quit faking. Quit pretending and putting a band-aid over your "pain cancer." We have to cooperate with God and want it more than that man, the food, the drink, the stability (changing causes chaos and disruption of everything) and looking like we're "spooky spiritual."  


We're wounded and we want to be healed. That requires desperation and obsession with getting it from God alone! Yes, when I teach this I'm told "Cheryl, it doesn't take all that" but I'm telling you depending how deep your wounds run (and mine were deep stronghold wounds), YES IT DOES TAKE A DESPERATE OBSESSION WITH GETTING HEALED. Haven't you been desperately and obsessively wounded? Just this week I was even told to quit ministering and giving out advice from someone I thought loved me and appreciated the transparency I shared my past/pain with them through--they even blocked me from their FB page (and it was perfectly fine because they were believing a lie, never read or commented on what I wrote anyway, no big loss). I've learned, the enemy of our souls wants me silent because every single one of my messages has been meticulously tried out on me FIRST before I share. They're real. I don't preach lofty, high things. I preach right here in the trenches, the muck/mire with you. I risk acceptance to be real and know the enemy will use even the very elect to try to stop me. There is no perfection in me to try and tell you anymore than this is what happened to me and here's how I deal.  No worries about me stopping no matter who tells me to. Won't happen. God has called me as His mouthpiece. I'm running the race, will speak as led with no fear. I can't be stopped in pain/silence, so I'm sitting right here, typing this blog in some of the greatest pain I've had in a long time. But...speak to you I will if you will but listen?

Because you can't love without vulnerability and trust-- wouldn't you enjoy some insulation, not self protection? Wouldn't you like that pain/hurt/wound to be a message you finally get/listen to and CHANGE FROM? It can happen only one way. Submit to God FIRST. Cry out to him in the midst of your pain. Quit running to a man. Quit running to that next relationship. Quit running to the club or a book (unless its the bible) or what someone else says or any of the things you've done to date that HAVEN'T WORKED. Yes, you may have salved your wound but wouldn't you much rather have the doggone thing healed? I'm not a Pollyanna either, I know there are some scars that will remain (you don't want to know my pain sister, we can compare burdens and I'm sure you'd look over mine and pick yours right back up again). Get alone. Get silent. Get on your face. Tell God all. Leave nothing out. He will listen to every word and you can't shock Him. He all ready knows. He gave you free will so that you can CHOOSE HIM. He desires that from you and then you know what...you'll be a wounded woman no more. 


Reach for God's reaching dear one. God is a master surgeon and His hands are gentle. It won't be easy but your healing will be thorough even if its a process. Sometimes God will lift what ails you immediately. Other times He will leave it and bring you through it. Whatever He does, however He does it its for the best and for your good. Submit to His way and listen, obey His instructions. As Max Lucado said it best..." God doesn't improve. He perfects. He doesn't enhance. He completes. Not better, not improving, not on the upswing" GOD COMPLETELY HEALS. Beloved, I'm praying with you and for you. 

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Fight Deception!

Luke: 21:8- He replied: "Watch out that you are not deceived. For many will come in my name, claiming, 'I am he,' and, 'The time is near.' Do not follow them."


James 1:16- "Don't be deceived, my dear brothers."




Pretension and deception, deceit, bluff, mystification, subterfuge, acts to propogate beliefs that are not true, or not the whole truth (as in half-truths or omission), employing slight of hand, distraction, camouflage or concealment.  Living like this...deceptively--is rampant in this world and few if any live above them. Lying and cheating is de jour...even in the Church which should not be but truth is its like breathing to us to be deceptive. You have to FIGHT IT, crying out to God to expose it in every shape and form because it is so prevelant and hides itself so well only HE can expose it fully.  


Personally, I have deceived and have been deceived. Horrified and hurt I've been when someone I trusted turned out not to be worthy of that trust and most of all I've terrorized myself with the comfort of lying to myself and others! If you're a deceiver rarely do you like the covers snatched off your cozy little deception..most do the fool when exposed, self included. The warmth of your lies are too toasty and fun and exciting and you feel you've gotten away with them. Alas, the truth of the matter is God hates lying! HATES IT! How can we be so comfortable with something God hates? Beloved this should not be. In fact, God commands us not to be deceived so you KNOW He never wants us to deceive anyone for any reason. He says in Ps. 51:6  "Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom." 


If you need to meet truth and abandon deception for good join me in praying for God to help you fight it in every area of your life. I warn you...this will make things bony and stark in all around you! God peels back every ounce of untruth and lays it bare and its ugly and no fun at all. There may be people you are trusting in that God shows you they're not honest and are not to have your trust and it will disappoint you to your core because how could they lie to you and have you believe it so completely?  He will more than likely start the process with you first and foremost so be prepared to see YOU. Real and raw. The first cut is the deepest and soon you will see all that you need to see. You may have to sit someone down you've deceived and come clean which is excruciating but, so worth it (yes, I've had to do that and had to LISTEN while someone I trusted gave up their lying). Just remember, GODS HANDS ARE GENTLE. He is the master surgeon and when he exposes deception in your life and in YOU He will also train you in truth and free you completely from lies for good. Do you want to go there? A place where you don't lie and can't be lied to? I said can't because since I've gone through this process of constant prayer to fight deception and lies rarely can someone get away with lying to me at all and never for long. If you're truthful and seeking to bring truth in every situation you have all of heaven supporting you because its rare but so needed. God will bring all of heaven to bear in bringing you the truth of a matter and it will be amazing to you to watch Him do it. If you desire to be blessed as far as I know the only great blessings from God, His very best blessings depend upon the level of truth you give and live. FIGHT DECEPTION BELOVED and He will help you do it every step of the way. He is ever faithful! I'm praying with and for you.

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(c) Copyright 2010 Cheryl Carr and ARETE1 International.

Enough is NOT LACK!

Hebrews 13:5 (The Message)

 ^5-6Don't be obsessed with getting more material things. Be relaxed with what you have. Since God assured us, "I'll never let you down, never walk off and leave you," we can boldly quote,

   God is there, ready to help;
   I'm fearless no matter what.
   Who or what can get to me?



What do you think you need today? Weigh that against what you have all ready. Is there a gap? How and why is it there? Relax Beloved. If you are a Believer, God will give you enough to meet your need. He promises that and you can believe He keeps His promises. All you have to do is to pray and submit your will and desires to His. Your peace is right there in that place of obedience.

I've found out quite often lately that what I think I need isn't what's truly needed at all and that enough is not lack. I'm learning my distress comes when I want more than what is needed or am discontent with what I all ready have. Let's decide to always express ourselves to our Father, He loves that we pray and desires for us to communicate with Him. But go that next step and cooperate with Him. Even if you are afraid you won't get what you desire, do it afraid. Submit and ask God for HIS BEST in spite of your expressed desire in prayer. He is ever faithful and will answer that prayer above and beyond what you could ask or think (Ephesians 3:20). Beloved, I'm praying with and for you.

Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr is written and distributed by Arete1 International.


(c) Copyright 2010 Cheryl Carr and ARETE1 International.

Have To versus Want To

Matt. 26:41-All of you must keep awake (give strict attention, be cautious and active) and watch and pray, that you may not come into temptation. The Sprit is indeed willing, but the flesh is weak.

How many things do you do in life because you HAVE to? Weigh that against what you do because you WANT to. What’s the balance? Few of us give strict attention to the things we have to do with the same rigor we give to what we like. The problem with that is that things you like are easy. It’s the things you don’t like that take the extra commitment and that dreaded word—DISCIPLINE!  I’m finding in my life that I have to stop trying to fool myself into thinking I will want to do that particular thing  that needs doing...I probably never will. Thinking "I'll want to do that"  has not motivated me much because at least for me it is hard to pretend something is what it isn’t.  Being a tee-totaling realist, it’s hard for me to drum up that kind of self-deception. Generally, I’m intolerant of things that I don’t like (and people). Maturity has helped me to see that isn’t a good attitude. 

As there are few things in life that go exactly according to plan-- so is it that we will enjoy everything we do. Mostly we will need to do what we need to do and like very little of it in the process (sigh). Truth is, if we live our life only wanting to do exactly what we want to do at all times, well, we will be selfish and probably not real successful. That's also how sociopaths are created completely void of conscience or consideration for others!  Settling the fact that I can do few things well based on what I feel, or by what I think I want has brought me peace and actually helped me overcome a lot of procrastination. I bleat it out, add some energy and sweat equity and get it done regardless of how I feel about it or if I want to do it.(except for my closets and my dresser draws...I hired someone to do them for me and have been dumbstruck about them ever since...they stay a mess:). Developing that discipline has revolutionized my life, providing the ability to accomplish volumes of things. I don't necessarily think it, feel it,  I just DO IT and tell myself often "don't talk about it, be about it." I want to be a woman God can trust to do what He tells me to do---quick to obey so much so He knows if I get my marching orders I'm on the move without nary a need for Him to convince me or motivate me. Do you share that warrior attitude with me Beloved? People frequently sit and peer at the stage of others lives and accomplishments forgetting that behind the scenes was so much preparation and sacrifice and discipline. Its nothing super-duper special about people who are successful and living their dreams, few are exceptionally talented or smart either and we all have a lazy streak, trust me. You're just as able dear one, perhaps you're just not as willing to sacrifice and do what you must to get what you want? 

 It would behoove you to do a short survey of your life and how you dedicate your time. Are there things undone in your life?  Finish them and start by exercising some “have to” over “want to.” Quit waiting to want to do it. You may never get there but tell you what…do it, whatever that thing is fill in your own blank (____________) because you HAVE TO regardless of how you feel. I’m praying with and for you.

Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr is written and distributed by Arete1 International.


(c) Copyright 2010 Cheryl Carr and ARETE1 International.

No Longer Negligent

Jer. 48:10 -"Cursed be the one who does the LORD'S work negligently, And cursed be the one who restrains his sword from blood."


Beloved, are you obese with ideas and plans and anorexic in action and follow through? How many unfinished works of the Lord are idling in your heart and mind? What needs to happen to you for you to finally get to it, go hard after something and get some things done? Did you read our focus scripture where God says YOU ARE CURSED IF YOU DO THE LORD'S WORK NEGLIGENTLY? Are you cursed because you're neglecting responsibilities and lacking concern about what you KNOW you should be doing but your attitude is lackadaisical and you'll get to it...eventually? 


Today, how about you stop thinking and talking about it and instead BE about it? You can you know? Refuse to live another minute of your life  "finna do" something while accomplishing just about the same thing everyday--which isn't very much. 99% of the time we KNOW what we're supposed to do we're just undisciplined and unwilling to get to it because we'd rather do our "want to's" instead of our "got to's."  Living like that is immature and makes you wasteful with time you can never get back. We all get the same 24 hours regardless of status, gender, intellect or wealth. The difference in quality of life is what will you do with your time? Focus and make quality choices with each and every moment you are given. Waste not one minute, never can you afford to. To focus, here is a lesson I learned over 18 years ago from Mike Murdock about being productive, he said "give each hour an assignment" and that is a lesson that has served me well all these years. Planning my day the night before and WRITING THINGS DOWN keeps me on task and works so well and isn't time consuming, its time saving! Realize, you can't do everything nor are you meant to, so making sure you're expending your energies in the right place is key. MAKE A DECISION. Being double-minded makes you unstable in all your ways (James 1:8).  Just coasting through your day with no plan will have you concluding your day in the same neglectful position. Dear heart, God plans (Jer. 29:11), why won't you?


And... whatever you do, do it with all your might (Ecclesiastes 9:10), no half stepping semi-committed attitudes, get IN or stay OUT. Chances are what the Lord has for you isn't going to come without a fight to get to it. You've got to be willing to go hard after it. Trust that God has work He has set in advance for you to do (Eph. 2:10). No one can do what you're meant to do the way you're meant to do it and that's why its vital you cooperate with God so you're not writing your own life story.  God can write a much better ending than you could with no stretch of His imagination. Decide right this minute to no longer be negligent...I'm praying with you and for you.

Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr to friends and colleagues, but forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr is written and distributed by Arete1 International.


(c) Copyright 2010 Cheryl Carr and ARETE1 International.

His Presents or His Presence?

James 1:16-17 (New Living Translation)

 ¹⁶ So don’t be misled, my dear brothers and sisters. ¹⁷ Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens.^[a] He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.^[b]

Beloved, are you spending all your time praying, reading the bible, going to church so you get what you need and desire from God without a thought of what He desires from you? Are you a selfish taker or a grateful giver? Do you take in all the goodness of God, constantly whining for more-more-more from Him and never give anything back to Him in return? 

What exactly could God want from you? One word-OBEDIENCE. A direction of your will to please Him and not just yourself. He wants you to desire His presence way more than His presents. Don't get me wrong. He didn't make you not to enjoy pleasure and the things that He provided in this earth but as the Creator He alone knows best how things work so He put protection in His word and laws to keep you from harm. He desires that you pay careful attention to and obey those laws so that you're not hurt or destroyed. Violating them costs you a price He never intended you to pay.

The greatest thing about obedience to God is that it is only for your good! God doesn't need anything from us, He is omnipotent, omnipresent and fully contained. Alpha, Omega, beginning and the end, He's in yesterday today and tomorrow right now. Time doesn't constrain Him, He constrains time. He tells the sea and the mountains where to stay put and they obey because they have no choice in the matter. BUT, and here's where it just boggles the mind at His goodness...we humans have choice/free will and can disobey Him if we want to. We, His greatest design of all get to do as we please to our detriment or our delight. Isn't that awesome? He didn't create us as robots to do His bidding regardless of what we think/see/feel. WE GET A CHOICE IN THE MATTER WITH GOD! See...God delights in you. He loves you. He created you. He made plans for you even before you were formed and those plans were all and only for your good (Jer. 29:11). In those good plans He put in you a desire for Him because of His goodness. He knows how much you need Him even if you don't. His greatest plan for you is that you maintain close fellowship with Him so He can protect and sustain you. Isn't that good? Doesn't that make you change your mind from the drudgery of obedience/giving up your will and plans for yourself to the JOY OF OBEYING? If it doesn't, maybe your plans yourself have been so successful and fulfilling which is why you're hanging on to them. Personally, most of my plans for myself stank it up. I let go of them only and after I exhausted every effort trying to satisfy and make myself happy. Went down a lot of roads in search of my dreams and desires and each road was a dead end. Even when I got what I thought I wanted...it left me empty and wanting something more. Finally I found what I was searching for IN HIM not apart from HIM. He took me back in all my messiness. He loved me to changing my ways and my mind and my heart. And He changed my life. God was merciful to me even in the full throes of my consequences so accurately deserved because of my disobedience.  

Don't know where you are today. Only you know that and I know my God will not force Himself upon you but I do know He's pleading with you today to desire His presence way more than His presents. I'm praying with you and for you that you will do just that...DESIRE and OBEY HIM today.

Beware the Man Who Doesn't First GIVE!

Ephesians 5: 21-33: Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, and Christ also is the head of the assembly, being himself the savior of the body. But as the assembly is subject to Christ, so let the wives also be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives,even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it;

Submission is often taught from this scripture and appropriately so but I truly believe and submit to you its as much about original intent, roles and giving as about submission.  We tend to focus giving on tangible things like money and time. Giving is as much an act with your heart as your body if you are a believer. God looks upon the heart because that is where your original intent or motivations lie and aren't necessarily a true depiction of what you're really doing despite the outward show. Because I am a woman I want to direct the main lesson in this area of giving to my sisters to ponder, but brothers reading this I hope its a matter you can take to heart as well. 

Beloved sisters, I beseech you to beware of the man who does not first give. What do I mean by this? I mean if you're on the giving end of your relationship, worn out, tired, absolutely parched from being drained dry emotionally, heart screaming out "just show me something" then you are in a backwards position and I want to tell you that thing is never going to work out without a major intervention from God and a man of God to show that brother the way (you can't dear sister, quit trying). He's selfish and will never give you what you need until his role is learned for you. Not talking about the how its done in your relationship--its not cookie-cutter theology I'm talking here, its independent on who the two of you are as people but the premise, the principal is still the same. From the inception of and in the continuation of a relationship, the man must give first and foremost! Period. He needs to take the lead in  pouring time, attention, care, adoration, finance and communication into you for you to respond to. Yes, you will reciprocate and not be a taker only-- please don't think I'm saying that. See, you my dear sister are not wired naturally and with original intent as a giver. You are wired and most natural as a RESPONDER. You're made to take in and give back/nurture a seed. You're made to AMPLIFY what a man gives in to you. If you're primarily on the giving end of a relationship, trying to make a man respond well, then you're batting your head up against a brick wall that's not going to move. This principal is a law and set in God's original intent as much as gravity and the pull to the earth is. I am telling you this with the hopes that you're not married to the non-giving selfish man,  (that's a whole different set of circumstances to teach about because I've been there and I know some things about it) hopefully...if you're simply dating and this describes the nature of your relationship may I please submit to you the eloquent and profound words from a Pastor and friend? RUN AT THE FIRST SIGN OF CRAZY because you my dear are in some craziness that's never going to truly work out. Yes, you may get this man to come back to your space, give you some time and some attention for brief interludes...heck, he may even marry you if that's the pressure you're putting on him gets him to respond that way (we women know how to manipulate and drive a man when we want to don't we?) but sweetheart, you're just headed down the road for even more rejection with that man. He won't change his stripes just because you trapped him with pressure, or a baby or whatever emotionally out of control stunts you pulled to get him to try and respond to your "love." You're in need of a mind change and a heart fix sisters. Realize that you're at your best in strength and dignity, examining a man, reserved in your emotions and behavior with him and letting him reveal if he's a giver and not selfish. This man is rare but he's out there. He just isn't attracted to a woman who wants him to respond. He can see you a mile away with your desperation and lack of knowledge. He won't give his precious things to a woman who doesn't deserve them.

 Let this sink in and heed its wisdom and warning. And, for my brothers...if you're the man who is responding to a woman who...oh, let's say has taken your seed (sperm) and given you a baby and is now giving you HELL in your life accept you've reaped what you sowed. You didn't first give self control, restraint and kept your seed from a woman you weren't married and in covenant with so there you go...you didn't get a wife you got a "baby momma" so quit waiting on her to act like she's got some sense until God intervenes. You sowed selfish and out of control emotional and physical acts and you're now reaping out of control physical and emotional acts.  You did it. She is just doing what she naturally does...respond in kind.

My deepest desire is restoration, healing and liberty for my sisters in pain, hurt and bondage. It is my hopes that as you read this you will examine whatever state you find yourself in. Get OUT of a relationship that is draining you, quit it. Stop (cease all motion) today. Staying in it is just going to deplete you, wear you out and will never give you what you deserve. If you're married to the non-giving selfish man (quite possibly because you pressured the marriage into being) begin by repentance and asking God to restore His original intent in your marriage. Be prepared to adapt your behavior too. You're used to leading and now you're going to have to submit to a man not used to being the head. Its a perplexing set of circumstances but God can and will do the impossible with a submitted heart desperate for change. Even if he doesn't change...YOU WILL. I'm praying with and for you.

Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr is written and distributed by Arete1 International.


(c) Copyright 2010 Cheryl Carr and ARETE1 International.

Sisters & Brothers…about Sex

1 Cor. 6: 18-  Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.

May I share with you what I’ve learned in my last 40 days of consecration and study about sexual purity in the Lord? See, I’m struggling with my belief versus my desires. These two collided like trains when I met someone I truly am learning to love in the Lord. This man hits on all cylinders with me and I wanted to share all I am with him, but, had made a commitment to God to stop wrapping my legs around men I’m not married to. I was tired of failing in that, crawling back to God for forgiveness not repentance and then once again ending up on the end of some man’s penis regretting every minute. I was sick of the emptiness that my bed held when he got up and went away and I was glad about it because I didn’t want him to stay. We’d both used each other and there was nothing keeping us together…no commitment, no relationship. Nothing. I wanted someone in my bed that was also in my head and heart and supposed to be there! So…I decided God’s way was best (aren't I the smart one?) and I had to find out what it was. I really didn’t know. I’d been doing my own thing so much in this area I didn’t know what I really believed and why.  I read the book “Single, Saved, and Having Sex” by Dr. Ty Adams (if you haven’t read it, do) and I also studied every scripture I could find in the Bible about sexual intercourse. I didn’t study it from a “don’t do it” point of view. I studied it from a God’s original intent point of view and it astounded me. See, I was completely rebellious to the “don’t do it” point of view for a lot of reasons. Mostly I’m a bit hard headed and probably more so because I’d had experiences and thought I knew some things that I held as true that really weren’t. I had to surrender my unbelief about God and His original intent about sex. Here’s what I learned in a snapshot that I hope may help you.

Old Disbelief: Sex brings you closer; Belief: Sex is only a small part of real intimacy

I always believed the act of intercourse was the ultimate, pinnacle and epitome… the closest you can get to another human being. It isn’t. If that was the case with all the sex we’re having humans would be so close there would be no wars, fighting, divorce or heartache. I shake my head now that I truly believed this. Yawl, that isn’t true! The truth is the closest you can be to another human being is through honest communication with one another that isn't clouded with a good time in the bed, it truly clouds your judgement especially if you're not married, you can't see that fool for who he is looking up or down at him... trust me! Being able to disclose and be who you really are, talk and be heard/listened to by someone who has your best interest at heart…well, that’s real intimacy. If you're married and can close the deal with good sex in addition to good communication, then you’re cooking with oil. Women stop using sex as a card to play in control. If you're not married, stop having sex and see what a man is really about. God will truly keep you from heartbreak if you do this. And, married women, stop using sex against your husband withholding it when he doesn't do something you like. Acting like that is sin and your body is not your own, its his and his is yours! You open the door for temptation and send his sex starved behind out here to prey on us single women! (had to throw that in because I'm sick of married men out here on the hunt because their silly wives play games with sex).

Old Disbelief: If he doesn’t get sex from me, he’ll get it from someone; New Belief: let him, that’s all he really wanted from you anyway

Why did I think if he was having sex with me he would be satisfied because it was so good (because I made sure I knew what I was doing in the bed, I am a good student at any/everything I want to really know about…don’t hate;) and he wouldn’t stray if I “put it on him” when the truth of the matter was each and every man that had sex with me, good sex or not,  that I wasn’t married to cheated on me with someone else at some point in the so-called relationship. See, the lack of self-control with you and having sex with you while you’re not his wife is indication that the man has some character and self-restraint issues. Do you think he can contain those issues when he’s not with you? Silly believing that isn’t it?

Old Disbelief: Men are visual and must have it so they can’t control themselves; New Belief: Women are just as visual and we all need to exercise self control over our bodies/desires, just fight in different ways

Deeply imbedded in my belief system was the idea that men are dogs, emotionless sex machines that when they did think or feel anything it was all related to sex. Upon in-depth study, the fact I’d heard, seen and experienced so much about that with men made that true to me when it isn't. Men are emotional. Real men want to have real intimacy deep down they just settle for sex because its work to connect the body/emotional part for them. Lazy men who don't know who they are settle for sexing all the time. I also failed to see that women are made to be sexual creatures too. God knew what He was doing when He gave us the gift of sex and he didn’t just deposit his gift in one gender to dominate the other. Truth of the matter we hold a lot of the same interests in sex it’s just we’re socialized to show it differently by generation. As I studied sex in the bible it was amazing to me that it was just as present in the old testament with scandal as in the new and it wasn’t just a bunch of men doing dirt, the women were doing freaky things too---directing lewd acts and subduing men with their bodies. There really is nothing new under the sun and we’ve been rebelling against God in sin sexually since the fall. It’s not just one gender. Stop believing that! Its not true. Women are just as guilty, men just bear the leadership role brunt of the rebellion.

Old Disbelief: Sex is physical; New Belief: SEX IS A SPIRITUAL CONNECTION YOU PERFORM WITH YOUR BODY

Which is why God says when you sin this way, doing things against His original intent it is a sin against your own body. Both parties are affected emotionally, mentally and spiritually. We are spirits who live in an earth suit, a body. We have our mind/will/intellect to control what these bodies do and unfortunately lead us to forget the spirit man. When you enter in or let your self be entered into you link all parts in the act. You are not able to keep any of it back despite how you display a "its just sex" attitude. It’s a law like gravity. It isn’t preventable and you create a soul-tie, a “knitting together” every single time you do it! What is in them comes into you or your take upon you what is in them. Doesn’t that reality just make you pause and rolodex every single person you’ve done the deed with? Especially if in the end you saw them for the person they really were and it wasn’t good. Yuck. Had me on my face for days with God for cleansing. I’m still purging people out of me and I didn’t get down with a lot of folks compared to most (I started lateJ). Can I tell you how important it is to be aware of this truth? May keep you out of bed, may not, but at least you are no longer ignorant and can say I KNOW what I’m really doing here with my body. You also know now why you have issues in areas that you may not have had issues in before. Just that little deposit from your booty call is all. Its true no matter if you believe me or not!

My ideas about my sexuality were born out of a little bit of this and a little bit of that. I’d been healed from sexual abuse but hadn’t gone into a real study of my belief about sex and renewing my mind to think how God thinks about it. Thank God I've done this now that I'm with a man I want to be God's best woman for. It’s good to know what you believe and why. Beloved, God doesn't want us deceived or ignorant about anything. He wants us to KNOW TRUTH and liberty.That is why I’m sharing this from my heart with you today. My prayer is that anyone reading this doesn’t feel condemned, especially if you disagree with what I’ve come to believe. I am not trying to beat you over the head with celibacy and some idealized religion about abstaining from sex. I'm just being real.  I’m nobody’s expert, just a sister walking her talk and sharing her testimony. I hope to lead you to the experts on the issue in telling you to get your hands on Dr. Ty Adams book and most importantly get with God about your sex. He is the author and creator of it and knows best what you should be doing. Hear ye HIM!

Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr is written and distributed by Arete1 International.


(c) Copyright 2010 Cheryl Carr and ARETE1 International.