Real Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is not self-importance! 

 We live in a culture of "but, it's posted" irregularities in reality and stark, dishonest portrayal of self.  Imagery, photo-shop and filters can have us living a life of pretense that has migrated into far too many believing their own press and thinking they're who they post to be... when in reality, they're not anywhere close to what and who they're pretending to be. Right now, real self-esteem is at an all time low. Self-importance, arrogance, unmitigated gall and misrepresentation is at an all time high. Social media aids too many in this sham portrayal...far too many misguided individuals misunderstand reality thinking a platform gives the license and right to be what, say what, be enraged by whatsoever we want. Right now everyone's a social broadcaster, pretense is allowed, self-importance gets to masquerade as self-esteem, and people have no real foundation of accomplishment on which to build a truthful, healthy opinion of themselves. People, careers and companies built with the sand of pretense fall apart when the need to DO SOMETHING REAL appears. Self-meaning, self-identity, self-image, and self-concepts are destroyed when you pretend, compare and use falsehood with self-importance under the guise of self-esteem. Self-importance is ugly and obvious, it's an exaggerated estimate of one's own importance, self-conceit, demonstrated by arrogant or pompous behavior.

  Self-esteem is actually a complex mental state--it is your truthful inner opinion of yourself and has an underground that is built by two things...what you truthfully FEEL and what you truthfully THINK about YOU.  It does not matter what finesse you do outwardly, the inner man knows who you really are and what you really do. In other words, you can't run from you...wherever you go, there YOU are beloved. You just cannot hide from you no matter how you try. A real sense of self and esteem/confidence requires you put in the time, really grind and face the struggle, small starts and acceptance of the truth that not everything you do needs to be heard, seen or recognized to matter and be real.  A self-esteem versus self-importance challenge you can take is to not tell or post your next big whatever...purchase, trip, relationship, meal, engagement, contract, job. Just stop posting and see how you feel about who you are. What's really driving that need to be seen as? If you're not as fabulous in the dark as you want everyone to see you as in the light then perhaps you live with self-importance over real self-esteem? If this is you I highly suggest you lay down self-importance and pride, shore up your self-esteem and make sure that your foundation isn't a sandy one that will fade when, and if you lose all, lose them and worse still have the real you exposed. If you can't stand up tall when those things happen to any degree you've lived with self-importance not true self-esteem.

Beloved, I'm praying with and for you.


Resources to Help:

Self Esteem Checklist

Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl is written and distributed by Dr-Cheryl.com. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Carr. Copyright 2016 Cheryl Carr and Dr.Cheryl Carr 2016 rightwordsbycheryl©
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DON'T YOU DARE MAKE RESOLUTIONS THIS YEAR!!

Did you know that 92% of New Years Resolutions Fail?

Desire Mapping is the revolutionary way to plan your New Year in 2018. My Desire Map workshop is OPEN!

This year, let’s turn traditional New Year’s goal setting on its head. Let this be the end of resolution-ditching by February. Here’s how (and it’s deceptively simple): instead of talking about external goals, I want you to discover how you want to feel in various parts of your life.

Before you set your resolutions — the things you hope to attain, achieve, and accomplish — first, think about how you want those things to make you feel. When you wake up in the morning, when you get in your car, while you make dinner, while you’re planning your vacations…

Let this be the year you create your life with pure and powerful intention.

My wish for you is that making empowered choices comes easily to you. That’s why I’m inviting you to my special New Year’s Desire Map workshop: GOAL MEET, DON'T GOAL SET.

This workshop, inspired by the best seller The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte, is a soul-heart-body experience that helps you feel good. Every day. It begins with getting clear on what you already have in your life, reflecting on the previous year, what you want to leave behind, and what you want to bring into the future with you.

You’ll get clear on the root of your desire and create a map of how you desire to feel in five areas of your life. From that place of clarity, you’ll be guided to discover and declare your core desired feelings, all while being supported in a sacred, loving environment of other soul-seekers. This is the new, holistic way to plan your New Year’s Resolutions. 

Every activity and exercise supports you in discovering your core desired feelings, because something magical happens when you focus on how you want to feel:

‣ You remember your light, your true nature, your source — the life source that connects us all.

‣ You use your preferred feelings as a guidance system for making choices and for being more present and alive.

‣ You are able to access comfort and clarity during painful times.

‣ You accentuate the positive aspects of your life, while still honoring, and not invalidating, the negative parts that you want to change.

Knowing how you want to feel is one of the most important forms of clarity you can have. You’ll feel the way you want to feel more often than not. Decisions will be easier to make. You’ll know when to say “No, thank-you” and “Hell, yes!” You’ll be more optimistic, more openhearted. Your life will ease up on the grinding and and fill up with more…ease. 2018 is yours.

For those of you who want to attend virtually,  I will be live streaming this workshop on my social media so join my Dr. Cheryl Facebook Group for updates and links. For more details on exactly what we’ll cover at the workshop, dates and sign-up fees, click here: Goal Meet, Don't Goal Set

I want to help you design a life that feels good: when you wake up, when you go to work, when you cook dinner, create something. The Desire Map has changed the way I live my life, and I am so thrilled to share this experience with you.

I’d be honored to support you in doing everything that makes you come alive at my next workshop.

Beloved I am praying with and for you!


Resources to help:
Schedule a Free and Clear  1/1 session with me: Dr. Cheryl's Calendar

2 options for your 2018 planner that helps you goal meet, not just goal set and feel how you want to feel:
1. Commit30 Planner
2. Desire Map Planner
 (yes I am paid a commission on both).


Join my Desire Map Meetup Group to learn and manage your core desired feelings all year: https://www.meetup.com/Desire-Map-GOAL-MEET-Not-GOAL-SET/


Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl Lanier to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl Lanier is written and distributed by Arete1 International DBA Dr. Cheryl Lanier, LLC. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Lanier. Copyright 2018 Cheryl Carr and Dr.Cheryl Lanier. 2018rightwordsbycheryl©.
 Follow me on LinkedIn :https://www.linkedin.com/in/cheryllanier2015/4; Facebook : Dr-Cheryl; Twitter: iamdrcheryllanier and Dr-Cheryl; Instagram-iamdrcheryllanier. Snapchat: Dr Cheryl Lanier.
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YOU HAVE A SAY IN YOUR LIFE!

You have a say in your life.

What comes into our cupboards and closets, what goes into our bodies, the people with whom we spend our free time, the gifts we give, how we worship, the thoughts we focus on. Clutter is a choice. Anger is a choice. Resentment is a choice. But so are spaciousness, flexibility, laughter, compassion, tenderness, and resilience.

Choosing to lean into the feelings you most want to feel is one of the most powerful things you can do with your life. The Desire Map workshops, based on the best seller by Danielle LaPorte, take your through that process. As a Desire Map facilitator, I take you on a guided experience to discover the way you most want to feel and set goals and intention based on those feelings. More ease. Less striving. All pleasure.

If this process resonates with you but you want to know more about it, I totally got you covered. I am hosting a Goal Meet, Don't Goal Set for people to get a taste test of the Desire Mapping experience. I’d love for you to join us.

I know you’ll love it, because you’ll begin to feel the way you want to feel more often than not. Decisions will be easier to make. You’ll know when to say “No, Thank you” and “Hell Yes!” You’ll be more optimistic, more open-hearted. Your life will ease up on the grinding and and fill up with more…ease.

For more details on exactly what we’ll cover, dates, and location, click here:
(https://www.meetup.com/Desire-Map-GOAL-MEET-Not-GOAL-SET/)

I know that you are destined to feel fulfilled and realize your full potential. You are here to design a life that feels good: when you wake up, when you go to work, when you cook dinner, create something, spend time with your loved one. The Desire Map has radically changed the way I live my life, and I am so thrilled to share this experience with you.
Beloved, I am praying with and for you.



Schedule a session with me: https://calendly.com/dr-cheryl


2 options for your 2018 planner that helps you goal meet, not just goal set and feel how you want to feel:
1. http://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=790897&u=1664560&m=62169&urllink=&afftrack=
2. http://www.daniellelaporte.com/store/?dlap=61599
 (yes I am paid a commission on both)


Join my Desire Map Meetup Group and learn your core desired feelings: https://www.meetup.com/Desire-Map-GOAL-MEET-Not-GOAL-SET/




Resources to help:
1. https://www.theminimalists.com/deciding/
2 Feel the Way You Want to Feel ... No Matter What! - Aldo R. Pucci - Google Books

 Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl Lanier to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl Lanier is written and distributed by Dr-Cheryl.com. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Lanier. Copyright 2017 Cheryl Carr and Dr.Cheryl Lanier. 2017rightwordsbycheryl©. Follow me on LinkedIn :www.linkedin.com/in/cherylcarr2014; Facebook : Dr-Cheryl; Twitter: iamdrcheryllanier and Dr-Cheryl; Instagram-iamdrcheryllanier.

Feeling Emotions, Controlling Feelings

As we approach Holiday Season 2017 complete with public travel, family gatherings, malls and shopping we will encounter a multitude of emotional triggers that will attempt to dictate a feelings response.  Prayerfully you know emotions and feelings are not the same?  Emotions and feelings are highly interconnected but are two very different things.  Without getting all neuroscience, technical blah blah blah here is what you should know: according to experts emotions are coded in our genes, are universally similar across all humans and even other species. Emotions trigger neurotransmitters that are essential for memory consolidation which is why an emotional memory is stronger and lasts longer. Emotions produce feelings, are physical and instinctual. Emotions can be measured  objectively by blood flow, brain activity, body language and facial micro-expressions.

Feelings are subjective, they are based on your personal mental portrayal of what's going on by personal experience, belief and memories. Feelings start with the brain perceiving and assigning meaning to an emotion. Feelings cannot be measured accurately and I submit to you while you can not necessarily control your emotions you can definitely control how you feel about that emotion which means you are able to cognitively control how you respond to the emotion and how you behave from the emotion provoked. Holidays and being around people you may have selected not to be around throughout the year, financial strain, partying and drinking alcohol to excess, overeating,  as well as  feelings of loneliness are all triggers for not great feelings or behaviors acted out publicly and inflicted upon the innocent. That's why you should arm yourself with knowledge to help you in being your best self no matter what is going on around you.

Frequently we submit to our feelings without regard to our emotional state. It is a much better practice to assume any feelings you have are not accurate or trustworthy until  you do a careful examination of the emotion behind it. Why do this? Because your feelings in a particular situation could be completely above and beyond the emotion that is deep within causing you to feel some kind of way...you could bring to bear anger at a person years away from whatever happened and is consolidated in your memory, which has you acting out from there instead of what is current. In your encounters with people use the power of pause and silence. Offer grace. And mercy and know...you may feel what you feel but not every feeling requires expression. This very small act may help you show up in the world as you desire  during the holidays (peaceful, loving, joyful, enjoying the moments) versus the reoccurring lack of the mutually beneficial emotions listed (anger, no forgiveness, grudges and pain).

Meet the public, family and travel armed with this knowledge...not every emotion requires a feelings response. It is your choice how you feel no matter what.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving full of love and gratitude. Beloved, I am praying with and for you.

Resources to help:
1. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/life-without-anxiety/201212/10-tips-surviving-the-holidays
2. https://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-tsilimparis/6-essential-tips-for-surv_b_6116234.html
3. https://www.abqjournal.com/1096198/surviving-the-holidays-after-a-tragic-loss.html


Schedule a session with me: https://calendly.com/dr-cheryl


Buy a 2018 planner that helps you feel how you want to feel: http://www.daniellelaporte.com/store/?dlap=61599


Join my Desire Map Meetup Group and learn your core desired feelings: https://www.meetup.com/Desire-Map-GOAL-MEET-Not-GOAL-SET/



 Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl Lanier to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl Lanier is written and distributed by Dr-Cheryl.com. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Lanier. Copyright 2017 Cheryl Carr and Dr.Cheryl Lanier. 2017rightwordsbycheryl©. Follow me on LinkedIn :www.linkedin.com/in/cherylcarr2014; Facebook : Dr-Cheryl; Twitter: iamdrcheryllanier and Dr-Cheryl; Instagram-iamdrcheryllanier.

Tippy -Toe or CANNONBALL!

Jumping out of the sea of sameness and vast similarity requires BOLDNESS.  The goal isn't just to be different. The real goal is to be original, fully you, and authentic. Using your own voice. In your own lane, daily fulfilling your purpose and all assignments within that purpose. Achieving significant success. Feeling your core desired feelings. 
So, how do you achieve boldness enough to JUMP out of a life of monotony into a life of achievement and significant success? 
Here's what I recommend as action steps to do just that today:
1. Listen and Compare - put down that phone, log off social media and get quiet. Listen to your life. It's speaking. Do some examination of your current state of life and the stark reality of it. Compare it only to where you really want to be, what you really want to be doing and WHO you really want to be. What are the disconnects? What do you need to do, focus on and/or change to get to where you want? Decide --now that you know ,you will begin to take steps daily to transition out of where you are TO where you desire.

2. Develop quality relationships - we were created for relationship. The quality of your life will be determined best by your connections and if those connections are healthy or unhealthy. Acquire healthy relationship skills. Learn what healthy, loving and safe relationships really are. If there are core relationships in your life that require fixing...fix them. Let go of bitterness and anger. Forgive. Move past the past. If you require counseling, get it. Learn the good in a goodbye, delete, stop accepting calls or allowing contact. Disconnect in love which does not always require closure...most times you will never get the apology you deserve so move on and kiss them up to God. Inject friendliness into each relationship in your life by learning both how to be a friend AND how to show yourself friendly. Proverbs 18:24 is a mild caution against having too many friends, of spreading oneself too thin. It is better to be loyal to one true friend who is faithful at all times than numerous unreliable ones. Accept this and choose purpose over popularity!

3. Accept that experience isn't your best teacher, guided experience is - wise counsel is to be sought and listened to. No need to bump your head into a brick wall when someone who knows what the wall looks like and feels like can keep you from it? Problem is most of us lack humility and allow our maverick behavior of being a know-it-all get us into crisis before we ask for help. Wise counsel saves you time spent in agony of defeat, disappointment and dismay. Get you some trusted advisers and then LISTEN TO THEM. Don't ever be an ask-hole (a person who asks for advise but has zero intention of following that advice, they just like to seem like they want it).


Remember, dipping your toe in is not the same as swimming so stop tippy-toeing around your life. Do a bold cannonball right into your dazzling existence and significant success by following these tips.

Beloved, I am praying with and for you.

Learning to LOVE WELL

“Let love be your greatest aim” (1 Corinthians 14:1)

Love is a choice. 
Love, real love is not "fallen into. " Mere feelings  do not constitute love, at least not the sum total of what love really is because you can act your way into feeling for something or someone, but it is extremely difficult to feel your way into acting on behalf of that something or someone apart from commitment, trust and faith. Why is that? Feelings wane, they pitch high and drop low based on occurrences when the relationship is based on simply feeling. Real love is not just an emotion but acts and does the loving thing, even when someone is unresponsive or undeserving.

Love acts.
“The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love” (Galatians 5:6). Few have the faith required to love the unlovable partially because people today are accustomed to thinking of love as a feeling, but that is not necessarily the case with real love.  Real love ACTS even when it doesn't FEEL LIKE IT. Real love is about BEING, not just FEELING. Few have taken the time to learn what  real love acts like, what real love does or does not do. We only think we know how to love. We imitate the love we've seen in our family of origin or in relationships we see on TV or hear in songs.  The dismal success rate of healthy relationships (not just staying together relationships but improving, growing and thriving healthy relationships) tells us that the love we ascribe to today does not ACT LIKE LOVE.  How does love act? 1 Corinthians 13 :1-8 gives us the love acts like list:
1, Love is patient.
2. Love is kind.
3. Love does not envy.
4. Love does not boast.
5. Love  is not proud.
6. Love does not dishonor others.
7. Love is not self-seeking,
8. Love is not easily angered.
9. Love keeps no record of wrongs.
10. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
11. Love always protects,
12. Love always trusts,
13. Love always hopes,
14. Love always perseveres.
15. Love never fails.

Love Never Fails.
If this is true, and it is, I submit to you the opposite is just as true... if it fails,  it wasn't love. When I was unmarried, I gave up defending my unmarried state with all kinds of excuses and instead committed myself to learning to love. I realized and accepted 7 years ago that I did not know how to love and committed to a study of love, not just the word but what it means in action. I prayed to learn to love in a way that assures the person I love that they're loved. I learned to properly describe love and how to properly demonstrate love. I studied the different kinds of love by studying the Greek words describing Love--Agapeo: Unconditional love; the love of God in the renewed mind in manifestation; Phileo: Love between friends; Eros: The sense of being in love; romantic love; and Storge: Love of family; Parent/child, siblings, cousins, etc. In a very close family, agape is felt as well.

Learning to love as God says love gives such blessings in return. I opened my heart and mind to learning to love myself well first, and then I learned to love others better. I am still a work in progress but am happily married and more in love with my husband daily. I also have evidence of loving well throughout my life with my close family and friends.

Beloved, I'm praying you learn to love well and am praying with and for you.


Resources to Help:
http://pastorrick.com/series/40-days-of-love
http://gods-word-first.org/index.html

Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl Lanier to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl Lanier is written and distributed by Dr-Cheryl.com. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Lanier. Copyright 2017 Cheryl Carr and Dr.Cheryl Lanier. 2017rightwordsbycheryl©. Follow me on LinkedIn :www.linkedin.com/in/cherylcarr2014; Facebook : Dr-Cheryl; Twitter: iamdrcheryllanier and Dr-Cheryl; Instagram-iamdrcheryllanier.

Special Edition-Days 33-39 of our 40 Day Fast & Focus- "TWO EARS, ONE MOUTH."

When do you just listen?

Listening is one of the most powerful things we humans can do. It is so powerful to listen to others. It's easier on us to speak than it is to listen but that's why were issued two of what we need to use most and one of what we need to use less. We could cut our words in half and never miss the ones we don't speak. they do not add value to our lives having said them, nor to the listener. 

Application: THE ART OF LISTENING

1. Do not listen to reply. The gift of language is awesome. But, it's one that we choose to present to ourselves way more than we give to others the gift of our silence. Listen to hear, really hear what's being said. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.'

2. Cut your words in half.  Humans, being social animals, are programmed to use communication as a vital tool to survive and thrive. Science and research tells us that  people spend 60% of their conversations talking about themselves, 80% when chatting on social media. The reason, researchers found, was that it just feels good. Proverbs 10: 19 tells us plainly, when words are many sin is present. Sin is not ended by multiplying words, sin is ended by restricting them. So, it's best to shhhh. Just shhh. 

Beloved I am praying with and for you.

Resources to Help:

1. http://www.amazon.com/The-Art-Listening-Erich-Fromm/dp/0826411320

2. http://www.amazon.com/Thats-Not-What-I-Meant/dp/0345379721

3. http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/the-biggest-communication-problem-not-listen-understand.html

4. http://www.fastcompany.com/3047285/know-it-all/the-science-of-why-we-talk-too-much-and-how-to-shut-up

Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Cheryl Lanier to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Cheryl Lanier is written and distributed by Dr-Cheryl.com. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Lanier. Copyright 2016 Cheryl Carr and Dr.Cheryl Lanier. 2016 rightwordsbycheryl©

Follow me on LinkedIn :www.linkedin.com/in/cherylcarr2014; Facebook : Dr-Cheryl; Twitter: iamdrcheryllanier and Dr-Cheryl; Instagram-iamcheryllanier.