40 Day Fast and Focus # 4 LET GO! GOODBYE IS A NECESSARY LIFE SKILL

Goodbye is a necessary life skill few possess. 

Many of us drag yesterday into our today, and will bring today into our tomorrow. We laughingly call that baggage, but the truth is we have no intention of unpacking, processing and letting go of people, places and things regardless of if they were good or bad to us. We refuse to take compliments as a congratulatory formality and we let criticism(s) take away our power. Today I want to encourage you in two ways; to let go, forgive and move past that/those that hurt you and to release/maintain freedom to grow past that which helped you. No longer let compliments go to your head nor let criticisms go to your heart. I want to introduce these truths and hopefully this last day of 2015 you will accept you are able to walk in freedom and deliverance from the past-good or bad.

Application: HOW TO SAY GOODBYE

1. Process pain and focus on your own crazy.  Processing pain requires you don't stuff or deny what happened. Quit looking for closure and an apology that may never come. Close your own doors. Stop knocking on doors God closed. Tell yourself the truth. Remove fantasy and fabrications about someone or something. Call it what it is/was and let the pain be stark so you recognize it and then finally release it. You may need counseling to do this. Get it. You're crazy not to get counseling, not because you do, and truth is we're all crazy in our own way! As someone who coaches I can tell you it's very difficult to get someone to see their own crazy because they're too focused on the crazy of someone else.  Life hurts. Let go of it.

2. Press past yesterday or even today's success. Don't live in the past, or rest on laurels. Many of us are so stuck in the "good old days" and the "good old ways" we cannot and do not move forward due to clutching onto what worked then or felt good back then. We so want to plagiarize and replicate what was good to or for us we attempt to make things happen just like they did back then. We rinse and repeat yesterdays goals, objectives and tasks hoping for the same success. Our hands are so full of yesterday we can't receive today. Beloved, God is a creator and a designer, not a replicator! God has new manna, fresh water and new beginnings for you if you stop hanging around yesterday and wishing for what was. Leave that back there. Resolutely and intentionally turn to today and take no thought of yesterday like this scripture tells us to: Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. 

Beloved, I am praying with and for you.

Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr is written and distributed by Arete1 International. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Carr. Copyright 2015 Cheryl Carr and ARETE1 International. 2015 rightwordsbycheryl©

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40 Day Fast and Focus # 3 CUT YOUR WORDS IN HALF

Would you be wise and in control of your whole body? Control your tongue.  

We are told in the scriptures (James 3:2) that "Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way." If you want to change your life for the better immediately begin with learning to shut up or speak up appropriately.

Application: How to Tame your Tongue
1. Cut your words in half. Take a three second pause before you say one word. Cutting your words by 50% will reduce your sins of speech by 90%!  I have learned that words and sin are not an arithmetic, but a geometric, relationship. Any words added beyond necessary speech contain verbal sin(s) that increase rapidly the more and longer we talk (Eccl 10:13). 

2. Say what you need to say. If you happen to be a person who hardly ever speaks, this proverb does not apply. Perhaps your need is to use your words in order to be gracious. Saying what needs to be said brings value to others and not saying right words at the right time produces a regular source of disappointment and frustration to others. Speak up but speak up wisely and succinctly.

Resources to help tame your tongue:
1. http://www.amazon.com/Days-Taming-Your-Tongue-Relationships/dp/0736915605
2. http://www.amazon.com/Me-My-Big-Mouth-Answer-ebook/dp/B001J2UVOI
3. http://www.theblessedlife.com/series/products/power-your-words-book

Beloved, I'm praying with and for you.

Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr is written and distributed by Arete1 International. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Carr. Copyright 2015 Cheryl Carr and ARETE1 International. 2015 rightwordsbycheryl©

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40 Day Fast and Focus # 2 THINK BEST NOT BETTER

What do you believe “thinking” to be?  Think about that. What is thinking?

Having carefully researched thinking as a term and activity of the brain I submit to you that I have learned thinking is inner speech. How we talk to ourselves inside about what it is we see, hear, and feel is what thinking really is. We talk deep within ourselves when we think, and more importantly GOD SEES EVERY SINGLE ONE OF OUR THOUGHTS. How we think, our inner speech is so very important to the quality of our lives and yet it something we place on autopilot. Rarely do we examine how we think, and even less of the time do we bother to correct incorrect, flawed thinking. Take some time today to examine your thinking/inner speech. I guarantee you whatever good or bad is going on IN you will come OUT of you. If you want to finish 2015 strong and if you want to have a ridiculously amazing 2016 begin with making sure you’re only and always thinking Philippians 4:8-And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Application: How to Think BEST or correct poor inner speech

1.       Spend time thinking about how you think, the language and words you tell yourself in your mind.

2.       Use the list in Philippians 4:8 to compare your actual thoughts against (true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and worthy of praise). If it isn’t, you must learn to stop thinking against that list.

3.       STOP (cease all motion) any thoughts that aren’t the best way to think... take any thought against Phil. 4:8 captive (2 Corinthians 10:5 We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ).

4.       Accept: You get to tell your mind how to think and what language words you will use. It is a privilege and a blessing to think and God requires us to use our righteous minds well.

5.       Practice doing this daily. I have learned when any thoughts against Phil. 4:8 start in my mind I apply this process 7 times and at times ALL day long. I even sometimes SPEAK out loud to that thought...”Thought, you’re not true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or worthy of praise.” I then speak only what is. Amazingly my thoughts correct and become BEST.

Beloved, I am praying with and for you.

Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr is written and distributed by Arete1 International. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Carr. Copyright 2015 Cheryl Carr and ARETE1 International. 2015 rightwordsbycheryl©

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40 Day Fast and Focus #1: GET RID OF I CAN'T

My Dad always said can't is a word for the weak. Whenever I feel I can't believe/do/change something here is what Iearned to do to change that thinking. 

1. Take a deep breath, adjust my thinking and tell myself the truth. OK, so things are a mess and I am surrounded by obstacles, but what can I do right now? What do I have control over?
2. If I rearranged my plan and focused on the things I can do now, would some of those obstacles go away, or at least lessen, over time?
3. Face the impossible with what's possible. Do what I can do right now, right there no matter how hard it may be.

Try this today in all areas of I can't. While it's not helpful to be Pollyanna about life's problems, trying a little attitude adjustment can go a long way and maybe turn some of your "I can'ts" into "I cans."

Scripture Focus: Mark 11:23
"Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them.

Beloved, I am praying with and for you.

‪#‎ican‬ ‪#‎believe‬ ‪#‎thinkright‬ ‪#‎nothingisimpossible‬ ‪#‎drcarr‬

Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr is written and distributed by Arete1 International. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Carr. Copyright 2015 Cheryl Carr and ARETE1 International. 2015 rightwordsbycheryl© 

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Please, Shut Up?

Proverbs 10:19  Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.
Proverbs 17:27 A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.
Proverbs 18:21 The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
Ecclesiastes 5:2 Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.
James 3:2 We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.

His words cut into my heart like a knife through butter..."I don't want to treat you this way, ever, but I am just so FRUSTRATED WITH YOU right now!" I could not stop the tears from my eyes as we hung up the phone agreeing not to speak again until that frustration went away and only God knows how long that will be because neither of us ever want to have that exchange with one another again. It is tearing at the fabric of our relationship and because I desire peace, and for my words to encourage and uplift whomever hears them I fell to my knees asking the Father what was my problem, why this reoccurring issue with us when we both wanted to treat each other with love and respect? I heard in my heart 2 words "your mouth." Crying harder I began to recite the scriptures I had memorized 7 years ago when I first became sensitive to my mouth and it's ability to wound and abuse others through my bible study of Deborah Pegasus "Thirty Days to Tame the Tongue." My gift of creative communication is an awesome tool of God when tempered in the Spirit and led by self-control. It is a weapon of the enemy if left unchecked. My mouth can be as big a curse as it is a blessing. As I finished my time of prayer and release and peace came back to me I affirmed with God that my addiction had resurfaced. See, I learned years ago that there is a common addiction amongst many women and more than a few men...we TALK TOO MUCH. It is an addiction that is often overlooked and misunderstood as not being a real addiction. But it is real. And it is just as damaging to a person's life as any other addiction, if not more so, first because its ridiculed and the person who talks too much is frequently left alone by those who cannot take their incessant talking any longer. Secondly, because it is sin.

The mouth and use of the tongue is referred to in the Bible often. Talking too much is a self-abusive behavior, with a root cause of inner abandonment--- creating the aloneness that is at the heart of all addictions. The incessant talker expects others to listen to them when they don't listen to their self, the addicted talker does not feel they are important to their self. See, when you will not take the time to attend to your own feelings and needs, you create inner neediness and emptiness. Most women do not feel heard. In a misplaced effort to be heard we will over-communicate and learn to speak to people in a very dominant fashion. Our tone and articulation does not invite conversation. We don't know how to communicate efficiently and quickly. We want to be heard so we will be heard by talking and talking and talking. To other women and sadly to our men.  Most men do not invite conversation or listen well. Mix these two together and you have the combustible situation we see in most relationships and homes.

So, what do we do if we know we talk too much? Sadly, too many men label all women as crazy and that their talking too much can't be stopped, just something about women they have to suffer with. It can, it will take cooperation in treatment just as does any other addiction.  Listen to her more, really listen to her...don't let her problem drive you from her, let it pull you near. It may surprise you if you would listen, repeat back what you heard and reserve getting angry and judgmental about her addiction but instead seek to lovingly tell her she talks too much and it's a problem in your relationship. Too many women are unaware or deluded into thinking their mouth is not the issue and few seek help and treatment that can help them recover and become effective communicators, a source of peace in their relationships, more precious and beautiful ( 1 Peter 3:4-Rather, beauty is something internal that can't be destroyed. Beauty expresses itself in a gentle and quiet attitude which God considers precious). In research for my doctorate I am studying the female mindset and becoming an expert in helping women to express themselves to the world in fully feminine  ways that honor her strength and dignity---this is a work in progress that begins with me as the first example of what revelation and truth can do. Look for more of my research in CEENOTES to come. Until then, Please...shut up?

 Beloved I am listening, and praying with and for you!

Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr is written and distributed by Arete1 International. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Carr. Copyright 2013 Cheryl Carr and ARETE1 International. 2013 rightwordsbycheryl© Follow me on Facebook : Cheryl Carr and Arete1; Twitter: iamcherylcarr and Arete1Int; Instagram-iamcherylcarr.

Glance at Your Past, GAZE at your Future

Phil 3:13-14 Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead,  I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 1:6  Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Luke 9:62 Jesus said to him, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the Kingdom of God.

     A portion of an interview conducted with me early last year is quoted in the February issue of Essence Magazine, "The First Ladies' Club" article. Unbeknownst to some, I spent 15 years married to a minister who became Pastor or Co-Pastor of churches during our marriage. To some that lifestyle is a dream come true. To me it felt as if it were a horrible joke. Confined, restrained and limited most of the marriage and ministry, in divorce my greatest emotion experienced was not loss, it was relief. I have not missed one moment of that life or my marriage. While loving the people of the church I despised the lifestyle and the demands placed upon our lives as we served God. I did not mind serving Him, in fact I counted it an honor. What I didn't like was how we were treated in that service. Or better said, how I was treated most of the time in that service. Neglected by my husband and mostly ignored by others in the church. I could not hang out with many members of the church and just be myself because, well, he was the Pastor and they couldn't see us warts and all. I had to keep up the image and keep secrets. Touch not God's anointed and do His prophets no harm rang in my ears despite all of the emotional and mental abuse I suffered in my home and in my place of worship where you're supposed to go for healing and hope. Nor could I hang out peacefully with non-members of the church because then I was categorized as conferring with the unsaved and possibly "falling into sin." It was a lonely, at times lifeless existence that stifled and almost ran me nuts. I became a robot and shut off emotionally to preserve my sanity. This was never supposed to be my childless, loveless, pretended perfection, fishbowl existence, and I felt like screaming at God for the cruel joke of it all. See, I was saved at 9 years of age and had intently studied the bible, attended worship and felt a call to write, teach women, sing praise music and praise dance ministry all on my own. Being a creative communicator with boundless energy I did not imagine God would call me to serve as the wife of a minister and place all my gifting behind him. In fact while we were dating he did not tell me he was a minister. I found out when he invited me to church with him and he sat me in the pew and I waited on him to come back to sit with me and he waltzed out to the podium and opened worship. I spent the next 15 years sitting out in the audience of too many worship services with the same sense of WTH wonderment that the man of God preaching to me was also the man who snored next to me at night.

So, Why look back at this painful part of your life now Cheryl, much less publicly after the dust of divorce has settled and you've moved on and are experiencing love in a relationship for the first time in over 20 years? Are you stuck back there? Do you want to go back there? Heavens no, but that is what I am accused of by finally speaking up. I have one reason for doing so...for the sake of helping other women, and hopefully put church folk on notice to treat their first ladies better. It is my desire to be used of God to highlight a hidden darkness in the church, I have been called to tell my reality, my truth, my story. Hopefully it will stir existing church members to be "noticers" with their own first ladies. Especially if that Pastor has divorced, remarried and the church is marching on. What happened to the former first lady? Do you pray for her? Do you know what really happened to HER or are you accepting what the man of God has said to you? The church surrounded him at our marriage's demise. None but 3 of our former church members has ever reached out to me to see how I am doing. These are the people who's lives I set ahead of my own in so many ways for years. Could they not tarry with me for a few in my own dark valley? When my life crumbled, it was as if I needed to move along to prevent any thing from touching the church. His life has marched on and he is continuing in ministry. My life is completely changed...for the better yes, but it still was a crack in my universe to leave all behind, including my church, home, family and friends.  I am glancing back at my past just briefly. Regressing just a little bit for the valuable lesson  and blessing to share in that regression. Regression means the act of going back to a previous place or state, return or reversion. It is a return to a former or less developed state. We all regress in our lives and in every regression there is a powerful lesson. In it, life will seem as if it took a backward turn and you went back where you've left or thought you'd progressed past. It will be unbelievable that you're HERE or THERE again just by thinking about it or speaking of it!  Sometimes we end up regressing due to choices and decisions we make or we are led there by the providential hand of God for a purpose. Regression is only good to establish linear relationship between things (linear relationships are the relationships between a constant and a variable...for the Believer it is a glimpse at our God who is unmovable/unchanging while understanding we are being changed daily). Regression is also good at establishing parameters, which are measurable factors forming one that defines a system or sets the conditions of operation, value selected for the particular circumstances and in relation to which other variable quantities may be expressed. So in looking back I want you all to know I am okay with exposing what I have kept secret for so long. But, I am doing it wisely and judiciously.  I am limiting the amount of time I will spend here in regression, because I am healed and whole and have forgiven all but am not so foolish as to think my experience was a solo one. Due to this article I have the privilege of knowing more than a few former first ladies with similar stories God has truly blessed me to share with them and hear of their pain and aid God in their healing. God works through people, right? Talking now is just as much a necessity for my own healing and fully walking into my future where my best years lie ahead.

Beloved, I am praying with and for you!

Pease feel free to forward CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr is written and distributed by Arete1 International. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Carr. Copyright 2012 Cheryl Carr and ARETE1 International. 2012 rightwordsbycheryl© Follow me on Facebook : Cheryl Carr and Arete1. Follow me on twitter: beatdebop/Arete1Int.

Stark Truth or Comforting Lies?

Ephesians 4:15 " Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ."

Hebrews 6:18 - "So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie."

Proverbs 11:3 - "Honesty guides good people; dishonesty destroys treacherous people."

Proverbs 12:5 - "The plans of the righteous are just, but the advice of the wicked is deceitful."

Beloved, what is your perspective on truth? Do you really know what TRUTH is (the actual state of a matter)?  Are you a person who seeks, says, lives and deals with things truthfully, stating them as they truly are? OR are you a person who is quite content with the truth being shaded as long as it’s acceptable and in the vicinity of what is true? I have found few believe there is a need for stark truth when the comfort of lies is available.  Most of us will and do lie often. We lie most often to ourselves first, God secondly and lastly we will lie to others.

For a lie to be given life it must first be conceived with pride as its father, and deceit as its mother. Pride is at is best description faith above God in one’s self. And, pride refuses to acknowledge another’s need to be told the truth over it (prides) own need to conceal it. Deceit is the action or practice of deceiving someone by concealing or misrepresenting the truth and is the land of lying most of us reside in.  We dance artfully around truth by covering it up because we think the better benefit is the lie. We will disguise a lie in flattery and flowery words or just outright say what is isn’t… and justify that by “they cannot handle the truth,” when if we spent a little more time practicing telling the truth in love we could be honest and still be peaceful and avoid being rude, hurtful or disagreeable. 

We need truth like the air we breathe. Truth is light and things that are beautiful grow best in light.  God is truth and because in Him we live and move and have our being…we suffer tremendously and wound ourselves skillfully when we refuse to be TRUTHFUL. God does not bless lies. He will actually uncover and expose lies eventually if not immediately. Lies have a short shelf life. Truth lives forever. Take a truth test this week over everything you think, say, do. ASK…is this TRUE?  Then, tally how much of your life is real and truthful or how much of your thoughts, words, actions, your very life— is lost in lies. This is a very sobering personal growth act of discipline, but is sorely needed in our society today. Truth telling people are as hard to find as is anyone who knows how to love well.

Beloved, I am praying with and for you.

Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Cheryl Carr is written and distributed by Arete1 International. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Carr. Copyright 2012 Cheryl Carr and ARETE1 International. 2012 rightwordsbycheryl© Follow me on Facebook : Cheryl Carr and Arete1. Follow me on twitter: Arete1Int.