Friday, December 2, 2022

4 Ways Introverts Can Enjoy More Social Confidence

 4 Ways Introverts Can Enjoy More Social Confidence



We used the word "enjoy" in that title for a reason. Social confidence is important for building relationships. This is true of the introvert, the extrovert, and the average person who is somewhere between those two personality extremes.


You can enjoy a much more successful career with powerful social skills. Your personal relationships benefit. A person who's confident when interacting with others has high self-esteem. They enjoy a powerful self-belief that they are capable of in social situations.


That's not to say that introverts don't have wonderful and rewarding lives. They simply have a view of their best life that's different from an extroverted person.


By the way, it's often believed that introverts despise interacting with people. That's rarely the case. It's simply that they would prefer to spend more time on their own. That's how they recharge their batteries. The extroverted person does the same thing by spending a lot of time with others. Each of these individuals is different in many ways, and no one approach is worse or better than the other.


That having been said, introverts often want better skills at socializing. They understand they can improve some aspect of their life if they had more confidence when dealing with people. If this sounds like you, we're here to help. Here are 4 ways that have been proven to help introverts build confidence in social settings.


1 – Don't Overdo It


Introverts can enjoy socializing just as much as introverts. In many cases they do. The difference is that the introverted person loses physical and mental energy from socializing too frequently or for too long. 


If you want to perform better in social situations, limit your exposure. Pick your battles. Don't try to drink from a fire hydrant. Plan short periods of time where you're going to expand your social skills over the next week or month. When you feel your energy starts to wane, return home or wherever it is you feel most comfortable recharging your batteries.


2 – Prepare Ahead of Time


You might be an introvert that doesn't have much experience interacting with others. That's okay. You can learn how to socialize. Do some prep work before you know you're going to deal with others. 


Think of the conversation beforehand. What's the environment going to be like? Who's going to be there? This type of homework can help you succeed in social situations and become more confident and capable.


3 – Remember … Rome Wasn't Built in a Day


The old saying that it took a long time to build one of the greatest civilizations in human history is important here. Big accomplishments don't happen overnight. If you are extremely introverted, work on one step at a time to become more of a social animal. 


Maybe the first thing you want to do is get comfortable leaving your house. You might leave your home and walk 100 feet down the road and then return home. If that's a big deal for you, give yourself a huge pat on the back!


You did great. Once you're comfortable leaving home, then strike up a conversation with a stranger. Take one small step at a time and before you know it you'll have walked a mile down the road to improving your social skills.


4 – Look at Rejection like a Successful Salesperson


The best salespeople get excited when they hear "No." They know that every rejection gets them closer to making their next sale. You can look at social rejection the same way. See the situation objectively. What can you learn? What did you do right? What did you do wrong? Take rejection or social failure as an opportunity to improve, you then move on.


Introverts aren't necessarily scared of people. They usually aren't. They just prefer to spend a minimal amount of time in the presence of others. If this is you, and you want to build your social confidence, the tips we just shared with you can help. They make you feel more comfortable when interacting with people. You'll also be proud of stepping out of your comfort zone.


Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl is written and distributed by Dr. Cheryl Carr LLC. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Carr. Copyright 2022 Cheryl Carr and Dr.Cheryl Carr 2022 rightwordsbycheryl©
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Friday, June 5, 2020

What We Do To Ourselves



You do not possess the power to choose how people treat you. It's not in your power to control the way people experience whatever you say. It's not in your power to make anyone into a different kind of human being--one more to your liking or preference. Yes, it's natural to wish people were more like you, acted as you choose to and treat others how you choose to treat others, but unfortunately they're not you and you're not them.  What others may choose to do to us is not in our power to change, we need only concern ourselves with what we do to ourselves with what they do to us... THIS IS OUR POWER.  

You can give your power away by choosing to react to others OR keep your power by choosing only to respond to what others do to you. One gives power to you (I won't tell you what to do), one takes power from you (I will only tell you what you won't do to me).  In psychology we learn and teach that reaction is a survival-oriented behavior, thought process based on some level a defense mechanism.  A response to something comes more slowly. It's based on information from both the conscious mind and unconscious mind. Reaction and response do look alike but they couldn't be any more different.  When we react we are in survival mode, usually end up in regret because the behavior doesn't match the situation and we are our less than stellar self. Reaction comes from the unconscious mind and it's entire library of beliefs, prejudices, biases, fears, and limiting decisions. It's only goal is your survival, a "kill them so you can live" behavior.  Learning to be a responder and not a reactor requires work and spending time delving into your unconscious thought processes built around how you desire to survive versus survival. You must do the work in order to let go of limiting beliefs ( I only live IF they die), restrictive (they have to do this) and constrictive assumptions (because they're not this they're that) built on misinformation, and negative emotions that no longer serve you well. Truth of the matter is we seldom indulge in the luxury of solid, consecutive thought. We desperately need to start.


Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl is written and distributed by Dr-Cheryl.com. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Carr. Copyright 2016 Cheryl Carr and Dr.Cheryl Carr 2016 rightwordsbycheryl©
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Sunday, May 31, 2020

Anger Stimulus



Anger is a strong, uncomfortable emotion many have misconceptions regarding. Anger is a normal emotion. You are created to feel anger and it's okay. Anger motivates action. Once it motivates action, it is our choice how we express the prompting and it's so important to distinguish between anger, aggression, and hostility. Anger is a sense of emotion ranging from the standard reaction of mild irritation to an intense response of fury and rage and if it felt too intensely, frequently, expressed inappropriately and associated with extreme physical/mental strain on the individual is when it becomes problematic, leading to aggression that is often-violent behavior causing harm or injury to another person or property. Anger improperly felt/displayed causes improper hostility, an attitude of judgement that then motivates aggressive behavior against something or someone.  Our power of choice lies in between the stimulus and our response. Inviting anger as a visitor not a resident in our emotions will keep us from being uncontrolled, nasty, violent and messy in response to our outrage.

So, HOW do I feel anger and not sin (Ephesians 4:26)? Practice. Knowing yourself and making choices with your emotions instead of letting your emotions choose behavior for you. Learn your anger "spells" or time spent with the emotion of anger. There is always a lag point from the emotion of anger to the actions feeling anger produces. There are four essential signals of an anger-provoking event. These signs are divided into physical (physiological), cognitive (thought), emotional (feeling) and behavioral (act). Physical  means how your body responds to anger (e.g. increased heart rate, flushed face, hot feeling, chest tightness, and boiling sensation) and emotional cues, your attitude to anger (e.g. expressing fear, hurt, jealousy, disrespect), and cognitive signals indicate what you think in response to anger (e.g. conveying hostile self-talk, images of aggression and revenge).Behavioral cues are your reaction to anger (e.g. making fists clench, raise voice tone, and stare looking (mean mugging). Recognize and identify what, who, when you're angry and measure it by degrees of 1-10. 1 being slightly annoyed to 10 being capable of aggression and violence. When triggered activate your own individually monitored control plan:
1. Timeouts: several methods that work are relaxation,conversing with a friend (someone you trust) and the thought to stop- stop means cease all motion. STOP EVERYTHING in motion, which includes speaking/conversation, driving, thinking, just stop and self-soothe. It's important that you know yourself and your own individual aggression cycle (escalation-explosive-post-explosive phases).
2.  Preventive strategies: a regular exercise program, self soothing such as deep breathing, counting, positive affirmation phrases.  Personally, I've learned this works best for me to express and prevent feelings of anger. I exercise good habits and self control best by preventing trigger episodes of anger and tightly controlling whenever I find myself angry
3. Changing irrational beliefs by using the A-B-C-D model (activating system- realistically describe the event/trigger without fantastical thinking or exaggeration, believing system-what you will tell yourself/others about the event; consequence system-your self-talk about what will happen if you act from your emotions; disputing system-question the emotion, belief behind it and expectations of others and circumstances)
4. Self Awareness- Learning and knowing your own individual aggression cycle (escalation-explosive-post-explosive phases) will keep you from problematic responses to the emotion of anger and aids your developing the learned behavior of conflict resolution model to express anger with an assertive not reactive expression of anger.
Always question what makes you weak-willed, lacking self control.  Always explore the primary feelings beneath anger and learn to use all anger as a stimulus to POSITIVE ACTION/BEHAVIOR.


Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl is written and distributed by Dr-Cheryl.com. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Carr. Copyright 2016 Cheryl Carr and Dr.Cheryl Carr 2016 rightwordsbycheryl©
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Sunday, December 15, 2019

Finish 2019 Strong

In this economy one stream of income is insufficient.  Gone are the days of the 20 year employee at one company, employment is transient and project based. Companies off load staff to protect stockholders and top tier pay structures. You have to learn to maximize your earning capacity should you be on the receiving end of a corporate heave-ho. Happened to me so often that I will NEVER again allow one source of income to be my bill paying resource, as long as God gives me strength and presence of mind. You should aim for your 6-10 pm window to be a side hustle/empire building window at least 3-4 times a week.
No matter what you do full-time for a living, the internet affords  us all money-making conveniences. The proverbial world is at our fingertips, providing vast amounts of opportunity to earn 24/7. How? Glad you asked...To do so you must select a skill-set fitting method, deliver value, and solve problems.

If you're a breadwinner or secondary income earner for your household, I suggest you set a goal of increasing your income streams in 2020. In addition, set an income goal for this income stream. Because I'm a goal digger and goal meet oriented (not simply goal setting, I want to see you actually win/achieve, not waste efforts or "look" like you're winning) so I'm sharing some prospective 6-10pm, 3-4 times a week, at home side-hustles you can try to see where it gets you...you set the goal to try at least 2 if not more of these, ok?
1. Sell items (in 2017 I actually sold everything I owned except for some items of clothing/shoes)
2. Drive for delivery services (Favor, Postmate, Door Dash)
3. Deliver packages for Amazon
4. Copy write - sign up on LinkedIn
5. Technical write - sign up on Linked In

Just remember, being a long term employee for any company is going the way of the dinosaur.  Change your thinking. Be a problem solver and seller of your time and talents. Beloved I am praying with and for you!

Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl is written and distributed by Dr-Cheryl.com. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Carr. Copyright 2016 Cheryl Carr and Dr.Cheryl Carr 2016 rightwordsbycheryl©
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Saturday, October 26, 2019

Created for Healthy Relationship

"Love can sustain you through the difficult times until you can get to a softer place together. Love is durable because it can weather a storm. Trust is fragile. ... when betrayal happens inside of a relationship, it will break trust into so many pieces that it's difficult to put them all back together again."
Relationships cannot stand without these 4 Pillars and sadly many relationships I observe are hobbled and weak without them. As for me,
I can love you from a long distance... I can ONLY TRUST you close up. That's EXACTLY why I cannot be with anyone I don't trust. Not personal. Not business. Not nothing without trust. Love can be walked into by choice, Trust can be earned and maintained. Respect and honor must be given as BEING respectable and honorable is displayed. The only relationship I want to be in at all HAS to HAVE these four pillars in place.


1 Peter 4:8: “Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins." Ephesians 5:21: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.



(Quote Credit: Dustin Campbell)

#wewerecreatedforhealthyrelationships #focused👀
#iwantahusbandandpartner👫
#love&trust #respect&honor #understanding&knowledge
#reallove♥️

References:
1. https://www.beliefnet.com/love-family/relationships/7-ways-to-transform-your-relationship-through-gods-design.aspx
2. http://www.daniellelaporte.com/thedesiremap/
3. Commit 30 Planner
 planner & goal-setting notebook makes 
Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl is written and distributed by Dr-Cheryl.com. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Carr. Copyright 2016 Cheryl Carr and Dr.Cheryl Carr 2016 rightwordsbycheryl©
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Sunday, December 30, 2018

Pourquoi

No resolutions. Only one thing is helpful in providing clarity, meaning and fulfillment for the next 365 days. Wouldn't you rather ask the right question(s) for goal meeting, not the same mundane goal setting? If the answer is yes, then ask yourself , "how do I want to feel all of 2019 and why do I want to feel that way?"

You can live in alignment with your purpose when you answer those 2 questions definitively.  First, reflect over how you felt in 2018. Then, design your vision board, your planner, time and energy management on obtaining that/those feeling(s),  with your reputation, your relationships, with prosperity, health, creativity, self-improvement, career,  and travel.

Do you know that how you feel about something or someone is more powerful than what you think about it or them? The problem with feelings is the difficulty in expressing meaningful words about those feelings. But learning how to best do that for you provides a huge benefit! The brain works best when you articulate feelings felt.  Here's a little neuroscience to help us better understand...the analytical part of your brain that helps you understand facts/reality, benefits and words/language is called the neocortex. The part of the brain that helps us with our behavior and decision-making is the middle section of the brain, the limbric system and it differs from the neocortex in that it has zero capacity for language which is why we struggle to explain our feelings. We must transfer our feelings to the neocortex part of our brain in order to articulate our feelings. This is a powerful exercise that when you do it you will be intentional in your decision making and behaviors. Beloved, I am praying for your 2019 to provide significant success and blessings without measure.


References:
1. https://www.technologyreview.com/s/528151/the-importance-of-feelings/
2. http://www.daniellelaporte.com/thedesiremap/
3. Commit 30 Planner
 planner & goal-setting notebook makes 
Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl is written and distributed by Dr-Cheryl.com. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Carr. Copyright 2016 Cheryl Carr and Dr.Cheryl Carr 2016 rightwordsbycheryl©
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Wednesday, November 7, 2018

Try Not to Try



"Best of all is it to preserve everything in a pure, still heart, and let there be for every pulse a thanksgiving, and for every breath a song. ~Konrad von Gesner"

Try not to try.

There is an effortlessness in gratitude and life that we should all aspire to. Research shows that gratitude has many benefits, but having a grateful attitude doesn’t come easily to everyone. 
Cognitive scientist are only now beginning to understand the power of spontaneity and why it is so essential for our well-being. When something is right, it truly is easier and much more effortless. BEING GRATEFUL IS RIGHT--- in all things, even if not for all things.  In fact, Chinese philosophers wrote extensively about an effortless way of being in the world, which they called wu-wei (ooo-way). New research reveals what’s happening in the brain when we’re in a state of wu-wei—why it makes us happy and effective and trustworthy. Effortlessness requires shutting the mind off and allowing the body to do its thing. It is very challenging to get the mind to let go of itself, and to stop trying, free fall into trust, be present and to know what comes goes, and what stays must be maintained. To cultivate behaviors and fruit bearing tendencies of wu-wei let go of the Western Culture ways of achieving goals through careful reasoning and conscious effort. Recent research suggests that many aspects of a satisfying life, like happiness and spontaneity, are best pursued indirectly. The older I get, the more I realize I do not want to spend most of my life preoccupied with effort, the importance of working, striving and trying, only to find the more I try hard to will things into manifesting, the more elusive they become. I'd rather let go of any rigidity, cease over-planning life which has been proven to limit happiness and success. I prefer to live life relaxed and flexible, pursuing whatever interests me, and feeling confident that it will work out---and it generally has.

APPLICATION: TRY NOT TO TRY
1.  Practice “body thinking."  This is a tacit, fast, and semiautomatic behavior that flows from the unconscious with little or no conscious interference. Stop yourself from any and every effort requiring pushing harder or moving faster. Relax. Slow down. Stop (which means to cease all motion). Accept that sometimes effort and striving are profoundly counterproductive. 
2. Practice effortless action. This is not dull inaction. Quite the contrary. Wu-wei is "not trying" or "no doing." It's the state of mind of a person who's optimally active and effective. Practice living in a state of effortless action. You will feel as if you're doing nothing, while you are creating proper and effective conduct, harmonious order, brilliance and beauty. For a person in wu-wei, proper and effective conduct follows automatically as if the body gives in to the seductive rhythm of a song.  The body, the emotions, and the mind become integrated. Being in wu-wei is relaxing and enjoyable in a deeply rewarding way that distinguishes it from cruder or more mundane pleasures. It's a state of BE-ing. 

Beloved, I am praying effortlessly with and for you.



Resources to Help:

1. https://www.organizedmotherhood.com/effortless-gratitude/
2. http://effortlesspeace.com/gratitude-quotes/
3. https://pageflutter.com/30-day-gratitude-challenge/



*Disclaimer
The information on this website is provided as a service to the public and offers general information only. It is not intended to be and should not be relied on as a substitute for specific medical or health advice.While every effort is taken to ensure the information is accurate,Dr. Cheryl Carr  makes no representations and gives no warranties that this information is correct, current, complete, reliable or suitable for any purpose.  We disclaim all responsibility and liability for any direct or indirect loss, damage, cost or expense whatsoever in the use of or reliance upon this information.This website may contain links to linked websites controlled or produced by other organizations.  The links are provided for convenience only and are not an endorsement of any products or services at those other websites, which also may not remain current or be maintained.We are not liable to you or anyone else if interference with or damage to your computer systems occurs or if you suffer any loss, cost or expense in connection with your use of this website or a linked website.


Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl is written and distributed by Dr-Cheryl.com. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Carr. Copyright 2016 Cheryl Carr and Dr.Cheryl Carr 2016 rightwordsbycheryl©
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Wednesday, October 10, 2018

World Mental Health Day Check-In



Today, take the time to check in and check on. How are you really? How are they really?

Now, we highlight and discuss this difficult subject after a celebrity suicide but rarely are we comfortable with someone addressing the state of our mental well-being.  We are all quirky and different but...having briefly lived with someone with severe mental and emotional health issues I can tell you that you must take care of yourself or you will descend with them. I fought my way back to normalcy and intend to stay right here.  If you are worried about someone’s mental health here is how you may get them help and support taken from Psychology Today Victoria Maxwell's article:
4 Steps To Help Someone When They Don't Want It
Tips for Parents of Adult Children with Mental Illness
Posted Aug 31, 2016

When mental illness hits, it can hit hard. It hits the person who has it hard and it hits the family equally hard – though in very different ways.

One of the most common questions I get after my presentations and shows is ‘How can I help my loved one when they don’t think they need help to begin with?’ So common in fact I've written previous PT posts: How to Help Your Adult Child if They Have a Mental Illness and When Adult Children Don't Want Help. There are many reason for not wanting help. Denial, shame, anosognosia (lack of insight – a symptoms of psychosis itself).

Regardless of the reason, as a family member or friend, it can feel powerless. But there are steps you can take. Here are a few to help you help your loved one move forward on the journey to recovery and wellness.

1. Remember the journey to accept there is a problem to deal with is theirs alone. Though you can help prep the ground, by having discussions and listening with an open heart, by setting clear boundaries, by offering information when appropriate. For anyone who’s been in this position, you’re aware it takes more than one conversation. It takes many. It’s about voicing your concern with compassion. While at the same time it’s about setting boundaries for your own well-being, recognizing you are not responsible for their health and happiness. If you’re a parent of an adult child, this is one that is most heart breaking to learn and understand. Letting go, is tough even when the adult child is well and thriving. The video and resources of Dr. Komrad has some concrete suggestions.

2. Ask your loved one to humor you and go to see the doctor together.When family members ask me how to help their loved one, the issue has been going on for a quite some time. And in that time entrenched power struggles have developed and mistrust on both sides have been established.

3. Rebuild trust and rapport. Your adult son or daughter, brother or parent may continue to get angry when you suggest anything. The trick is for you to NOT get angry back. Easier said than done. But the goal is to have them be willing to see someone for a general check up. In that appointment have a mental health check up too. References from Dr. Xavier Amador below are excellent about how to listen without creating power struggles and rebuild trust essential for healing.

4. Evaluate whether you really are the best person to talk to your loved right now. Be honest. If conversations almost always end with tempers flying, another person who has his/her best interests at heart and can communicate more easily is a better option – at least for now

On-line resources:

~ If you need help immediately, please search this list of crisis lines and centers and contact one of them right away.

~ This video from Dr. Mark Komrad has some good points. I wouldn’t watch the first part but from 49:30 minutes he describes when, how to talk to someone, some do’s and don’ts. Some of his approach is a little paternalistic, but I like the tips.

~ Dr. Komard's book: “You Need Help!: A Step-by-Step Plan to Convince a Loved One to Get Counseling” may be a helpful read. I can’t vouch for the info as I haven't read it yet, but it comes recommended.

~ His website is: www.komradmd.com  He does evaluations, but the cost is extremely high. He also has an extensive book list.

~ Check Dr. Amador’s book and technique “I don’t need Help, I’m Not Sick”. He describes his LEAP (listen, empathize, agree, partner) approach.

~ This post gives a great summary of his LEAP program.

~ Check Dr. Amador's referrals page for clinicians who work with his method.

~ If you find these resources helpful and would like additional support and guidance, I offer mental health coaching sessions with a free initial consult for family and individuals.

~ Practical tips for family and friends on the “Living with Mental Illness: A Guide for Family and Friends” website.

~ A good website for family and friends of people with bipolar disorder.

~ My previous PT post list US support groups for family and friends as well as individuals living with mental illness (such as NAMI).

I hope these resources help. Let me know if they are or if you have your own that I haven't listed here.

© Victoria Today 


*Disclaimer
The information on this website is provided as a service to the public and offers general information only. It is not intended to be and should not be relied on as a substitute for specific medical or health advice.
While every effort is taken to ensure the information is accurate,Dr. Cheryl Carr  makes no representations and gives no warranties that this information is correct, current, complete, reliable or suitable for any purpose.  We disclaim all responsibility and liability for any direct or indirect loss, damage, cost or expense whatsoever in the use of or reliance upon this information.
This website may contain links to linked websites controlled or produced by other organisations.  The links are provided for convenience only and are not an endorsement of any products or services at those other websites, which also may not remain current or be maintained.
We are not liable to you or anyone else if interference with or damage to your computer systems occurs or if you suffer any loss, cost or expense in connection with your use of this website or a linked website



Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl is written and distributed by Dr-Cheryl.com. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Carr. Copyright 2016 Cheryl Carr and Dr.Cheryl Carr 2016 rightwordsbycheryl©
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Monday, September 3, 2018

Real Self-Esteem




Self-esteem is not self-importance! 


 We live in a culture of "but, it's posted" irregularities in reality and stark, dishonest portrayal of self.  Imagery, photo-shop and filters can have us living a life of pretense that has migrated into far too many believing their own press and thinking they're who they post to be... when in reality, they're not anywhere close to what and who they're pretending to be. Right now, real self-esteem is at an all time low. Self-importance, arrogance, unmitigated gall and misrepresentation is at an all time high. Social media aids too many in this sham portrayal...far too many misguided individuals misunderstand reality thinking a platform gives the license and right to be what, say what, be enraged by whatsoever we want. Right now everyone's a social broadcaster, pretense is allowed, self-importance gets to masquerade as self-esteem, and people have no real foundation of accomplishment on which to build a truthful, healthy opinion of themselves. People, careers and companies built with the sand of pretense fall apart when the need to DO SOMETHING REAL appears. Self-meaning, self-identity, self-image, and self-concepts are destroyed when you pretend, compare and use falsehood with self-importance under the guise of self-esteem. Self-importance is ugly and obvious, it's an exaggerated estimate of one's own importance, self-conceit, demonstrated by arrogant or pompous behavior.

  Self-esteem is actually a complex mental state--it is your truthful inner opinion of yourself and has an underground that is built by two things...what you truthfully FEEL and what you truthfully THINK about YOU.  It does not matter what finesse you do outwardly, the inner man knows who you really are and what you really do. In other words, you can't run from you...wherever you go, there YOU are beloved. You just cannot hide from you no matter how you try. A real sense of self and esteem/confidence requires you put in the time, really grind and face the struggle, small starts and acceptance of the truth that not everything you do needs to be heard, seen or recognized to matter and be real.  A self-esteem versus self-importance challenge you can take is to not tell or post your next big whatever...purchase, trip, relationship, meal, engagement, contract, job. Just stop posting and see how you feel about who you are. What's really driving that need to be seen as? If you're not as fabulous in the dark as you want everyone to see you as in the light then perhaps you live with self-importance over real self-esteem? If this is you I highly suggest you lay down self-importance and pride, shore up your self-esteem and make sure that your foundation isn't a sandy one that will fade when, and if you lose all, lose them and worse still have the real you exposed. If you can't stand up tall when those things happen to any degree you've lived with self-importance not true self-esteem.

Beloved, I'm praying with and for you.


Resources to Help:


Self Esteem Checklist

Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl is written and distributed by Dr-Cheryl.com. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Carr. Copyright 2016 Cheryl Carr and Dr.Cheryl Carr 2016 rightwordsbycheryl©
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Friday, December 29, 2017

DON'T YOU DARE MAKE RESOLUTIONS THIS YEAR!!

Did you know that 92% of New Years Resolutions Fail?

Desire Mapping is the revolutionary way to plan your New Year in 2018. My Desire Map workshop is OPEN!

This year, let’s turn traditional New Year’s goal setting on its head. Let this be the end of resolution-ditching by February. Here’s how (and it’s deceptively simple): instead of talking about external goals, I want you to discover how you want to feel in various parts of your life.

Before you set your resolutions — the things you hope to attain, achieve, and accomplish — first, think about how you want those things to make you feel. When you wake up in the morning, when you get in your car, while you make dinner, while you’re planning your vacations…

Let this be the year you create your life with pure and powerful intention.

My wish for you is that making empowered choices comes easily to you. That’s why I’m inviting you to my special New Year’s Desire Map workshop: GOAL MEET, DON'T GOAL SET.

This workshop, inspired by the best seller The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte, is a soul-heart-body experience that helps you feel good. Every day. It begins with getting clear on what you already have in your life, reflecting on the previous year, what you want to leave behind, and what you want to bring into the future with you.

You’ll get clear on the root of your desire and create a map of how you desire to feel in five areas of your life. From that place of clarity, you’ll be guided to discover and declare your core desired feelings, all while being supported in a sacred, loving environment of other soul-seekers. This is the new, holistic way to plan your New Year’s Resolutions. 

Every activity and exercise supports you in discovering your core desired feelings, because something magical happens when you focus on how you want to feel:

‣ You remember your light, your true nature, your source — the life source that connects us all.

‣ You use your preferred feelings as a guidance system for making choices and for being more present and alive.

‣ You are able to access comfort and clarity during painful times.

‣ You accentuate the positive aspects of your life, while still honoring, and not invalidating, the negative parts that you want to change.

Knowing how you want to feel is one of the most important forms of clarity you can have. You’ll feel the way you want to feel more often than not. Decisions will be easier to make. You’ll know when to say “No, thank-you” and “Hell, yes!” You’ll be more optimistic, more openhearted. Your life will ease up on the grinding and and fill up with more…ease. 2018 is yours.

For those of you who want to attend virtually,  I will be live streaming this workshop on my social media so join my Dr. Cheryl Facebook Group for updates and links. For more details on exactly what we’ll cover at the workshop, dates and sign-up fees, click here: Goal Meet, Don't Goal Set

I want to help you design a life that feels good: when you wake up, when you go to work, when you cook dinner, create something. The Desire Map has changed the way I live my life, and I am so thrilled to share this experience with you.

I’d be honored to support you in doing everything that makes you come alive at my next workshop.

Beloved I am praying with and for you!


Resources to help:
Schedule a Free and Clear  1/1 session with me: Dr. Cheryl's Calendar

2 options for your 2018 planner that helps you goal meet, not just goal set and feel how you want to feel:
1. Commit30 Planner
2. Desire Map Planner
 (yes I am paid a commission on both).


Join my Desire Map Meetup Group to learn and manage your core desired feelings all year: https://www.meetup.com/Desire-Map-GOAL-MEET-Not-GOAL-SET/


Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl Lanier to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl Lanier is written and distributed by Arete1 International DBA Dr. Cheryl Lanier, LLC. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Lanier. Copyright 2018 Cheryl Carr and Dr.Cheryl Lanier. 2018rightwordsbycheryl©.
 Follow me on LinkedIn :https://www.linkedin.com/in/cheryllanier2015/4; Facebook : Dr-Cheryl; Twitter: iamdrcheryllanier and Dr-Cheryl; Instagram-iamdrcheryllanier. Snapchat: Dr Cheryl Lanier.
YouTube; Dr Cheryl Lanier.


Tuesday, December 12, 2017

YOU HAVE A SAY IN YOUR LIFE!






You have a say in your life.




What comes into our cupboards and closets, what goes into our bodies, the people with whom we spend our free time, the gifts we give, how we worship, the thoughts we focus on. Clutter is a choice. Anger is a choice. Resentment is a choice. But so are spaciousness, flexibility, laughter, compassion, tenderness, and resilience.

Choosing to lean into the feelings you most want to feel is one of the most powerful things you can do with your life. The Desire Map workshops, based on the best seller by Danielle LaPorte, take your through that process. As a Desire Map facilitator, I take you on a guided experience to discover the way you most want to feel and set goals and intention based on those feelings. More ease. Less striving. All pleasure.

If this process resonates with you but you want to know more about it, I totally got you covered. I am hosting a Goal Meet, Don't Goal Set for people to get a taste test of the Desire Mapping experience. I’d love for you to join us.

I know you’ll love it, because you’ll begin to feel the way you want to feel more often than not. Decisions will be easier to make. You’ll know when to say “No, Thank you” and “Hell Yes!” You’ll be more optimistic, more open-hearted. Your life will ease up on the grinding and and fill up with more…ease.

For more details on exactly what we’ll cover, dates, and location, click here:
(https://www.meetup.com/Desire-Map-GOAL-MEET-Not-GOAL-SET/)

I know that you are destined to feel fulfilled and realize your full potential. You are here to design a life that feels good: when you wake up, when you go to work, when you cook dinner, create something, spend time with your loved one. The Desire Map has radically changed the way I live my life, and I am so thrilled to share this experience with you.
Beloved, I am praying with and for you.



Schedule a session with me: https://calendly.com/dr-cheryl


2 options for your 2018 planner that helps you goal meet, not just goal set and feel how you want to feel:
1. http://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=790897&u=1664560&m=62169&urllink=&afftrack=
2. http://www.daniellelaporte.com/store/?dlap=61599
 (yes I am paid a commission on both)


Join my Desire Map Meetup Group and learn your core desired feelings: https://www.meetup.com/Desire-Map-GOAL-MEET-Not-GOAL-SET/




Resources to help:
1. https://www.theminimalists.com/deciding/
2 Feel the Way You Want to Feel ... No Matter What! - Aldo R. Pucci - Google Books

 Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl Lanier to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl Lanier is written and distributed by Dr-Cheryl.com. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Lanier. Copyright 2017 Cheryl Carr and Dr.Cheryl Lanier. 2017rightwordsbycheryl©. Follow me on LinkedIn :www.linkedin.com/in/cherylcarr2014; Facebook : Dr-Cheryl; Twitter: iamdrcheryllanier and Dr-Cheryl; Instagram-iamdrcheryllanier.

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Feeling Emotions, Controlling Feelings

As we approach Holiday Season 2017 complete with public travel, family gatherings, malls and shopping we will encounter a multitude of emotional triggers that will attempt to dictate a feelings response.  Prayerfully you know emotions and feelings are not the same?  Emotions and feelings are highly interconnected but are two very different things.  Without getting all neuroscience, technical blah blah blah here is what you should know: according to experts emotions are coded in our genes, are universally similar across all humans and even other species. Emotions trigger neurotransmitters that are essential for memory consolidation which is why an emotional memory is stronger and lasts longer. Emotions produce feelings, are physical and instinctual. Emotions can be measured  objectively by blood flow, brain activity, body language and facial micro-expressions.

Feelings are subjective, they are based on your personal mental portrayal of what's going on by personal experience, belief and memories. Feelings start with the brain perceiving and assigning meaning to an emotion. Feelings cannot be measured accurately and I submit to you while you can not necessarily control your emotions you can definitely control how you feel about that emotion which means you are able to cognitively control how you respond to the emotion and how you behave from the emotion provoked. Holidays and being around people you may have selected not to be around throughout the year, financial strain, partying and drinking alcohol to excess, overeating,  as well as  feelings of loneliness are all triggers for not great feelings or behaviors acted out publicly and inflicted upon the innocent. That's why you should arm yourself with knowledge to help you in being your best self no matter what is going on around you.

Frequently we submit to our feelings without regard to our emotional state. It is a much better practice to assume any feelings you have are not accurate or trustworthy until  you do a careful examination of the emotion behind it. Why do this? Because your feelings in a particular situation could be completely above and beyond the emotion that is deep within causing you to feel some kind of way...you could bring to bear anger at a person years away from whatever happened and is consolidated in your memory, which has you acting out from there instead of what is current. In your encounters with people use the power of pause and silence. Offer grace. And mercy and know...you may feel what you feel but not every feeling requires expression. This very small act may help you show up in the world as you desire  during the holidays (peaceful, loving, joyful, enjoying the moments) versus the reoccurring lack of the mutually beneficial emotions listed (anger, no forgiveness, grudges and pain).

Meet the public, family and travel armed with this knowledge...not every emotion requires a feelings response. It is your choice how you feel no matter what.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving full of love and gratitude. Beloved, I am praying with and for you.

Resources to help:
1. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/life-without-anxiety/201212/10-tips-surviving-the-holidays
2. https://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-tsilimparis/6-essential-tips-for-surv_b_6116234.html
3. https://www.abqjournal.com/1096198/surviving-the-holidays-after-a-tragic-loss.html


Schedule a session with me: https://calendly.com/dr-cheryl


Buy a 2018 planner that helps you feel how you want to feel: http://www.daniellelaporte.com/store/?dlap=61599


Join my Desire Map Meetup Group and learn your core desired feelings: https://www.meetup.com/Desire-Map-GOAL-MEET-Not-GOAL-SET/



 Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl Lanier to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl Lanier is written and distributed by Dr-Cheryl.com. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Lanier. Copyright 2017 Cheryl Carr and Dr.Cheryl Lanier. 2017rightwordsbycheryl©. Follow me on LinkedIn :www.linkedin.com/in/cherylcarr2014; Facebook : Dr-Cheryl; Twitter: iamdrcheryllanier and Dr-Cheryl; Instagram-iamdrcheryllanier.

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Tippy -Toe or CANNONBALL!




Jumping out of the sea of sameness and vast similarity requires BOLDNESS.  The goal isn't just to be different. The real goal is to be original, fully you, and authentic. Using your own voice. In your own lane, daily fulfilling your purpose and all assignments within that purpose. Achieving significant success. Feeling your core desired feelings. 
So, how do you achieve boldness enough to JUMP out of a life of monotony into a life of achievement and significant success? 
Here's what I recommend as action steps to do just that today:
1. Listen and Compare - put down that phone, log off social media and get quiet. Listen to your life. It's speaking. Do some examination of your current state of life and the stark reality of it. Compare it only to where you really want to be, what you really want to be doing and WHO you really want to be. What are the disconnects? What do you need to do, focus on and/or change to get to where you want? Decide --now that you know ,you will begin to take steps daily to transition out of where you are TO where you desire.

2. Develop quality relationships - we were created for relationship. The quality of your life will be determined best by your connections and if those connections are healthy or unhealthy. Acquire healthy relationship skills. Learn what healthy, loving and safe relationships really are. If there are core relationships in your life that require fixing...fix them. Let go of bitterness and anger. Forgive. Move past the past. If you require counseling, get it. Learn the good in a goodbye, delete, stop accepting calls or allowing contact. Disconnect in love which does not always require closure...most times you will never get the apology you deserve so move on and kiss them up to God. Inject friendliness into each relationship in your life by learning both how to be a friend AND how to show yourself friendly. Proverbs 18:24 is a mild caution against having too many friends, of spreading oneself too thin. It is better to be loyal to one true friend who is faithful at all times than numerous unreliable ones. Accept this and choose purpose over popularity!

3. Accept that experience isn't your best teacher, guided experience is - wise counsel is to be sought and listened to. No need to bump your head into a brick wall when someone who knows what the wall looks like and feels like can keep you from it? Problem is most of us lack humility and allow our maverick behavior of being a know-it-all get us into crisis before we ask for help. Wise counsel saves you time spent in agony of defeat, disappointment and dismay. Get you some trusted advisers and then LISTEN TO THEM. Don't ever be an ask-hole (a person who asks for advise but has zero intention of following that advice, they just like to seem like they want it).


Remember, dipping your toe in is not the same as swimming so stop tippy-toeing around your life. Do a bold cannonball right into your dazzling existence and significant success by following these tips.

Beloved, I am praying with and for you.

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Learning to LOVE WELL






Let love be your greatest aim” (1 Corinthians 14:1)

Love is a choice. 
Love, real love is not "fallen into. " Mere feelings  do not constitute love, at least not the sum total of what love really is because you can act your way into feeling for something or someone, but it is extremely difficult to feel your way into acting on behalf of that something or someone apart from commitment, trust and faith. Why is that? Feelings wane, they pitch high and drop low based on occurrences when the relationship is based on simply feeling. Real love is not just an emotion but acts and does the loving thing, even when someone is unresponsive or undeserving.

Love acts.
“The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love” (Galatians 5:6). Few have the faith required to love the unlovable partially because people today are accustomed to thinking of love as a feeling, but that is not necessarily the case with real love.  Real love ACTS even when it doesn't FEEL LIKE IT. Real love is about BEING, not just FEELING. Few have taken the time to learn what  real love acts like, what real love does or does not do. We only think we know how to love. We imitate the love we've seen in our family of origin or in relationships we see on TV or hear in songs.  The dismal success rate of healthy relationships (not just staying together relationships but improving, growing and thriving healthy relationships) tells us that the love we ascribe to today does not ACT LIKE LOVE.  How does love act? 1 Corinthians 13 :1-8 gives us the love acts like list:
1, Love is patient.
2. Love is kind.
3. Love does not envy.
4. Love does not boast.
5. Love  is not proud.
6. Love does not dishonor others.
7. Love is not self-seeking,
8. Love is not easily angered.
9. Love keeps no record of wrongs.
10. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
11. Love always protects,
12. Love always trusts,
13. Love always hopes,
14. Love always perseveres.
15. Love never fails.

Love Never Fails.
If this is true, and it is, I submit to you the opposite is just as true... if it fails,  it wasn't love. When I was unmarried, I gave up defending my unmarried state with all kinds of excuses and instead committed myself to learning to love. I realized and accepted 7 years ago that I did not know how to love and committed to a study of love, not just the word but what it means in action. I prayed to learn to love in a way that assures the person I love that they're loved. I learned to properly describe love and how to properly demonstrate love. I studied the different kinds of love by studying the Greek words describing Love--Agapeo: Unconditional love; the love of God in the renewed mind in manifestation; Phileo: Love between friends; Eros: The sense of being in love; romantic love; and Storge: Love of family; Parent/child, siblings, cousins, etc. In a very close family, agape is felt as well.

Learning to love as God says love gives such blessings in return. I opened my heart and mind to learning to love myself well first, and then I learned to love others better. I am still a work in progress but am happily married and more in love with my husband daily. I also have evidence of loving well throughout my life with my close family and friends.

Beloved, I'm praying you learn to love well and am praying with and for you.


Resources to Help:
http://pastorrick.com/series/40-days-of-love
http://gods-word-first.org/index.html

Please feel free to forward CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl Lanier to friends and colleagues, but please forward in its entirety. CEENOTES with Dr. Cheryl Lanier is written and distributed by Dr-Cheryl.com. No portion of this publication may be copied or reproduced without the expressed written consent of Cheryl L. Lanier. Copyright 2017 Cheryl Carr and Dr.Cheryl Lanier. 2017rightwordsbycheryl©. Follow me on LinkedIn :www.linkedin.com/in/cherylcarr2014; Facebook : Dr-Cheryl; Twitter: iamdrcheryllanier and Dr-Cheryl; Instagram-iamdrcheryllanier.